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Wednesday, November 24, 2004

Dinner with GranDan


Woke up late today but that was mainly due to going to bed around 6am this morning. Showered and waited around all evening for the call from Sandy, my mother in law. We expected to leave for Ogden at 4:00 pm, but didn't end up getting the call until 7:00 pm! We were STARVING! Arrived in Ogden, met GranDan, Jory's grandpa and step grandma. He looked like Juli's grandpa, it was weird. I didn't feel as awkward as I expected to. I think it was because he did look like Juli's grandpa. Sandy, Cody and Casey arrived shortly after us and we went to dinner at the restaurant in the hotel parking lot. Food was delicious and I always love spending time with Jory's family. I feel so much love from all of them. My family is definitely more reserved with showing emotions and feelings. Jory's family hug each other. We don't touch each other. I cringe when my mom tries to hug me. But I welcome Jory's family hugs whole heartedly. It's really weird. I don't know how to explain it.

After dinner we went back to GranDan's room and chatted for an hour or so. The room was so hot I was taking everyone ounce of clothing off I could. He doesn't know Jory smokes so I couldn't use the excuse of needing a smoke to step outside. I was dripping with sweat. Finally after an hour GranDan got up and turned the heater off. I wanted to help it do it faster.
As we left I pulled Sandy aside and told her how sorry I was to hear about her mother. She cried and said that she is really struggling with it because it doesn't seem real to her. Without being in California to see that she has passed, it seems like a bad dream. I was heartbroken when we found out because she was planning on going to see her mom on Thursday. Sandy told me that when she called her mom to tell her she was coming to visit, her mom couldn't come to the phone and the man who answered never gave her mom the message! How horrible that must feel to not be able to say good bye to your mom. I felt so helpless, I wasn't sure how to comfort her. I gave her a big hug and told her that I loved her.

I wish I could have met Jory's grandma. We planned on going out to visit her in September when she fell ill, but the trip fell through. I'm glad though that Jory will remember his grandma the way she was before she got sick because it's so hard to see them in the hospital. They say she wasn't recognizing family and she even thought for a time that she was on a cruise. So Jory's aunt just let her believe it, because what's better being on a cruise or in the hospital? I'd choose the obvious.

Mabes didn't want a funeral or service, so we won't be going to California. I feel bad that Jory's family won't have the mourning time like you do with a funeral. Having a funeral allows you to take time from work, spend it with your family and mourn the one you love. Without a funeral, what do you do? Like Sandy said, it feels so unreal, like a bad dream. Where's the closure?
I definitely support (not that I have a say =)) her decision not to have a funeral. But it makes me think about what I want and now I see how others would feel if I choose what not to have a funeral. Now that we have a house, I guess we need to decide what we want to happen if and when we go.

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