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Saturday, December 31, 2005

What I did in 2005

~January~
1. Did you have a new year's resolution this past year?
I don't do resolutions

2.Who kissed you at midnight?
Jory

3. Does it snow where you live?
HELL NO! That's why I moved to SUNNY ARIZONA!

4. Do you like hot chocolate?
Sure do, I don't drink it very often though.

5. Have you ever been to times square to watch the ball drop?
Nope, it was summer time both times I went to NY.

~February~
1. Who was your Valentine in 2005?
Jory

2. What did your Valentine get you?
ummm...we don't really do Valentines day. We celebrate it EVERYDAY.

3. When you were little, did you buy Valentines for your whole class?
My mom bought them, I didn't have money! ;) I always enjoyed making Valentine mailboxes out of paper at school

~March~
1. Are you Irish?
Partially

2. Do you wear green on St. Patty's Day?
Nope, but I have green eyes

3. What did you do for St. Patty's Day in 2005?
Went to work

~April~
1. Do you like the rain?
I love rain, especially now that we live in Arizona. I love Monsoon season!

2. Did you play an April fool's joke on anyone this year?
Don't think so.

3. Do you get tons of candy on Easter?
Only what I buy.

~May~
1. What's your favorite kind of flower?
Don't really have one, but if I had to choose it would be daisies

2. Did you go anywhere fun this month?
We went to San Diego for Jory's birthday and Mother's Day

3. Do you like the spring?
Spring is my favorite season

4. Finish the phrase: April showers bring May flowers, what do may flowers bring?
What kind of question is this? Bees

5. What would you think of as a spring color?
yellow

~June~
1. What year did/do you graduate from school?
January 10, 1995 (I graduated early woo woo for me)

2. Did you go on any vacations last June?
Went to Utah to close on the sell of our house.

~July~
1. What did you do on the 4th of July?
Worked.

2. Did you go on any vacations during this month?
Nope

~August~
1. Did you do anything special to end off your summer?
Took a road trip to Arcata, CA for our friend's wedding.

2. What was your favorite summer memory of '05?
Going to San Diego

3. Do you go swimming a lot in the summer?
No

4. Do you go to the beach a lot?
Not normally, twice this year in San Diego and Northern California.

~September~
1. Did you attend school/college in '05?
No

2. Did you travel anywhere?
Went to Arcata, CA

3. Do you like fall better than summer?
Fall is my second favorite season, Spring is my first

~October~
1. What was your favorite Halloween costume ever?
Juli's Little Red Riding in the Hood

2. What's your favorite candy?
Vanilla Charleston Chew

3. What did you dress up like this year?
I haven't dressed up in years...I worked this year. But Jory dressed Mazzy up as a skeleton dog

~November~
1. Thanksgiving!
I have a love hate relationship with Thanksgiving. I have found a new love for Turkey and family but my birthday lands on it every 4 years or so and I hate sharing my birthday with a holiday.

2. Do you like stuffing?
Not really

3. What are you thankful for?
My bestfriend and LoveR Jory he makes me smile everyday. I'm also thankful for my friends and family. The further we move away, the more we realize who are real friends are.

~December~
1. Do you celebrate Christmas?
With our families, but we don't decorate or put a tree up for ourselves or anything. I work most every Xmas.

2. Have you ever been kissed under mistletoe?
Probably

3. What do you want this year for Christmas?
I wanted a baby

4. What's the best present you ever got for Christmas?
The first year Jory and I were together, we were out shopping at my ALL TIME FAVORITE STORE IN THE WORLD, "Dancing Cranes Imports", back when they were in this tiny shop in Sugarhouse. As we walked in they had the LARGEST, most BEAUTIFUL rainbow colored chimes on display. The chimes had to be 7 feet tall! I think I said something like, "I would love to have those chimes...in my dreams." Christmas day, Jory surprised me with my dream. Apparently he had gone back to the store and asked the clerk how much the chimes were and they told him it was a display. He told the clerk he knew it was a display but he wanted to buy it, the clerk told him had to go ask the owner if they were willing to sell it and if so, for how much. He returned to the counter, gave him a insane price and Jory bought it my dream.

5. Do you like cold weather?
No, that would be why we moved to Arizona.

Sunday, December 25, 2005

Happy Hanukkah & Merry Christmas

Unfortunately I didn't write this but it says it all for me.

"Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all. I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2006, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great. Not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country nor the only America in the Western Hemisphere. And without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishee. By accepting these greetings you are accepting these terms. This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for herself or himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher."

Thursday, December 22, 2005

WaHoo 3000 HITS!


Let's see if we can get it to 30,000 hits. Spread the word! Tell your friends, hell tell strangers on the street joeythegrl.blogspot.com/ is the blog to read!

Attention all Google Geeks!





Wednesday, December 21, 2005

A Joey Gift

I was Blurfing or blog surfing and found a Joey Gift. Through out my life I have received numerous "Joey Gifts". It seems 1 in 5 people I meet always feel the need to tell me that my name means baby kangaroo. As if in 29 years I had not been told this once or a million times.

My favorite Joey Gift story is from my 16th birthday. My mom gave me a Stuffed Kangaroo with matching socks stuffed in the pouch. I gave her a look of "what in the HELL were you thinking" and she laughed. She had actually bought it when I was 10 or 11 years old and hid it so well she didn't find it until just before my 16th birthday. My mom has a problem hiding gifts and finding them years later, but I leave that for another day.

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Bashful Bladder Syndrome or BBS

Sometimes I space off when I'm peeing. Honestly I have spaced off for so long that I'm not sure whether I have actually peed yet so I have to check. I know I'll never live this down.

I suffer from Bashful Bladder Syndrome or BBS, if there are other people in the restroom I have to space off or block out everyone else just so I can relax and pee. I blame my mother, she passed me the BBS gene. When I was little every time we went into a public bathroom she would mention that she had a bashful bladder, and so the gene was passed.

So today in the bathroom I was spacing off and I had a flashback. I was peeing in the bathroom at my old job and laughing so hard I was crying because my friend had just confessed her most embarrassing moment and it is the funniest story I have EVER heard.

My friend who will remain nameless for obvious reasons, told me that one day at work she was talking with a few coworkers and in the middle of their conversation she sneezed so hard her tampon popped out! I laughed so hard I almost peed my pants!

Sunday, December 18, 2005

Reminding you why you left Utah so you never go back

Celebrating the holidays with your siblings

Ozzy & Mazzy

Size comparison


Frozen Lucy in Provo, Utah

Snow Princess

Sun Goddess

Exit to SR 20

SR 20 to Kanab

Poor broke down Lucy

Jory & Mazzy waiting for the tow truck

Got caught in a snow storm, missed party with friends because of hospital stay with kidney stones, freezing ass cold weather and the car broke down. God doesn't hate you Jory he's just reminding you why you left Utah so you never go back.

At least it wasn't snowing

And what a beautiful drive home it was



One last romp in the snow

Poor sick Jory spread his nasty cold germs to me and now, poor sick Joey.

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Never Again Utahrd!

We left Phoenix at 5:22 AM Tuesday Dec. 6th, nose hairs froze at our first pit stop in Flagstaff. Once we hit Page we had beautiful sunny weather all the way until Mills (small town? consists only of two mills, hence the name Mills, UT) when the flurries started. I'm not sure if it "flurries" anywhere else, but in Utah when a snow storm is blowing in it starts out with flurries. It's like tiny cotton ball snowflakes that flurry around but don't stick to your windshield or the road, they just interfere with your cop watching abilities. By Spanish Fork the real snow was falling and sticking to the road and as it seems every year, everyone forgets how to drive in the snow. You have those drivers that slow down to 35 mph and slam on their breaks every 10 seconds because the car 10 car lengths in front of them tapped their breaks. You also have those drivers that continue to speed and enjoy watching your eyeballs pop out of your head when they cut you off and spray your car with salty snow. Then you have those like me, we slow down to a safe speed and stay a few car lengths back. So our 12 hour drive from Phoenix to Logan ended up taking us 16 1/2 hours. Four and half of those hours were from Spanish Fork to Layton with top speed being 30 mph. And this was just the beginning of our bad luck.

Of course Utah was having record cold temperatures during our visit. Logan had a high of 13 degrees on Wednesday, good thing we kept our winter coats! We ventured into town and purchased a doggy coat for Mazzy and ran into Christopher's best friend Derek and his wife. Every time we visit Utah and go into Petsmart we see Derek, weird. Went back to the house and prepared for the gathering/open house/come see Jory and Joey like a zoo exhibit party. Saw some friends, ate a lot of finger food and bonded with Sara's "daughter" Leslie over Harry Potter.

Bad luck Part 2: Thursday Jory woke up in extreme pain and because we don't have insurance yet, I told him to take a Lortab which he did and went back to sleep for awhile. Later he woke up feeling OK, took a shower and just as we were packing the car and getting ready to leave he doubled over in pain. He decided it was bad enough he should go to the hospital. On the way to the hospital I called Robby and Regina and told them we were going to miss the party they were so graciously throwing for us. Thankfully my aunt Nora works at the Specialty Hospital in Logan and she was there waiting for us when we arrived. They tested and found Jory had kidney stones. A shot of Morphine in the ass and a prescription for Lortab later, we were sent home. For a second in his drugged up state Jory actually thought we could go to the party in SLC, then the Morphine sunk in and he hit that sack.

Bad luck Part 3: Friday we headed for Salt Lake and tried to meet friends for dinner since we missed our party the night before, unfortunately everyone already had plans. So much for seeing our friends, damn kidney stones anyway. We were able to hang out with Regina and the boys for a few hours on Saturday. Eli and Charlie are so smart and so much fun to play with, Happo Happo! Hopefully Jory and I will be blessed with kids as great as they are. We enjoyed a smoke break with Jen at my old stomping grounds. Then we were off the Provo to hang out with Jory's dad and his brothers. We ended up staying the night and going out for breakfast at Mimi's for Casey's birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY Casey!

Major Bad luck Part 4: We left Provo for our 9 hour drive home around 1:30 PM. After stopping for gas in Beaver Jory took over driving and was pulling off the exit ramp to turn on to SR 20 and the car died. At this point our bad luck had passed laughable altogether and we looked at each other with the "Are you Fucking kidding me" expressions. We tried several times to get it started and ended up calling Beaver City Chevron for a tow. 30 minutes later, Rick the tow truck driver showed up and found that the timing belt had broke and because it's a Honda it probably took out the head which could cost $1500. Funny enough Rick asked us how lucky we were feeling because he could tow us back to the station in Beaver to fix the timing belt, but if the head was broke he'd then have to tow us to Cedar City to get it replaced hopefully on Monday. As luck would have it, my brother Colby lives in Cedar City so we would have a place to stay. After a $245 tow truck ride Colby picked us up and took us back to his house.

The bad luck continues...Seriously! Part 5: The next morning at 6:30 AM we dropped Colby off at work because he so generously offered his truck to us. We decided to go back to "Above All Auto" and get the cigarettes we left in my car. I was feeling a little nervous about leaving the few Xmas presents we left in the car so I decided to move them into the truck. I turned the truck off to open the back and couldn't get it opened because my hands were either frozen or I was too sleepy so I ended up putting them behind the seat. Went to start the truck and nothing...Colby had schooled me on his funky computer chip key and how it sometimes acts funny so he has a back up key. I swapped out keys and this time it turned over but acted like the battery was dead. Tried a few more times and still no success. Finally I called Colby to see if there was a special button to push or dance I had to do in order to get it started and he apologized for us being stranded again, he thought when he charged his battery the week before it was good to go. It would have been, had we not come into contact with it, apparently everything we touch turns to shit. By this time it was 7:30 and the auto shop would be opening at 8:00 so figured we could get a jump from an employee. A few minutes later Colby called us back and told us we could jump start his truck with my battery without turning my car on. Jumped the truck, turned my keys in to have my car fixed went back to Colby's and took a nap. Woke up and got the call we were hoping for that my car was fixed and it was ONLY the timing belt which would only be $350.

$595 later we left Utahrd and headed home. The minute we got home I changed into shorts and a T shirt and enjoyed a cigarette on my porch. Awe...how I love Arizona!

Bad luck Part 6: Unfortunately not all stories end with "And They Lived Happily Ever After"....nope at least not for the Johnson's. That's right folks, Jory ended up catching a horrible cold and he's sitting at home suffering without a sweet topless nurse to wait on him. Don't feel too bad for sweet Jory, he still has a full bottle of Lortab to help sweeten his days.

The End.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

We're Baaaack!

I can honestly say, I'm surprised we arrived home alive. The traumatic vacation storIES coming soon!

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