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Monday, February 27, 2006

Pre-op aka Jory's Adventure - Update!

First I need you all to know that I already spent an hour typing this post on our new laptop, however because I have the worst luck in the word, I deleted it while copying and saving it.

So I took Jory to my pre-op appointment last Friday for moral support. We weren't sure what they were going to tell us but we knew we'd be discussing my blood test(s) results. We were called back to a room and after we checked my weight, (I think I lost another 2 lbs but I'm not really sure) and blood pressure, Jory pointed out the gown on the table.

The night before I told both Juli (by phone) and Jory that I KNEW my doctor was going to throw a pap smear on me, I just knew it! I even went to the grocery store to buy razors, because those of you that know me, know that I don't shave my legs unless I'm going to the doctor.

Anyway so the nurse comes back in the room and says Dr. Seal likes to do a quick exam and pap before surgery just to make sure everything is OK. WELL if everything was OKAY I wouldn't be going into surgery, right? The nurse picks up the gown, which she calls the "tent" and tells me to put it on. Jory asks if I want him to leave and I told him he could stay if he wants, but if he's freaked out he can wait in the waiting room. I NEVER would have expected my husband to sit through a pap smear, but I think he was a little curious as to what all the fuss has been about.

A quick side note, I think all men take the doctor's or nurses orders very seriously. The nurse had told me to remove all my clothing, and when I didn't take my socks off Jory acted like I was putting my feet on the grandparent's coffee table. I can't be the only woman in the world who doesn't take their socks off for an exam. Can I?

So back to the tent, this gown was sleeveless and had a very sexy cleavage hole in the front, or maybe it's because I have the biggest boobs on the planet! It looked like it was straight out of the 70's except for the flared skirt, seriously, quite flattering. The doctor comes in barely has time to shake Jory's hand, throws on the rubber gloves and opens "the drawer". Thank god this doctor believes in warming up the "duck bill" before shocking your vagina into it's shell. The exam was over in a minute and Jory will never be the same. He was shocked that I didn't flinch or make any noise or yell at the doctor because apparently that's what guys do when they are getting their exam. I can't remember how Jory described the "duck bill", something like scrap metal. I'm sure Jory can tell you all about it in his post. Update:
"Frozen medieval torture device"

"Duck Bill"

The results of my blood test were interesting; I have the most extreme case of Insulin Resistance my doctor has ever seen, which makes everything I eat go straight to fat and nothing to muscle. I also have a high Testosterone level, which my beard could have told him that. I still have Hypothyroidism and PCOS, duh. And the most important result of my day long 14 vials of blood tests is I DON'T have Diabetes! With all this extra weight and my family tree, I was getting very concerned.

In my surgery they are going to drain the cysts out of my ovaries, which will apparently make me feel like a whole new woman. They will shoot dye in my uterus thru my Fallopian tubes to make sure they're working correctly and biopsy the lining of my uterus and the tumor of course. Yeah this time he called it a tumor instead of a cyst. Jory told me not to worry about the word he chooses to describe it because we don't know what it is. I've decided we're going to call it an Alien for now, because Tumor is a scary word. Plus I'm extending my stay on Denial River until we do know what the alien is.

I'm not nervous about the surgery, it's the Magnesium Citrate I have to drink Wednesday morning and the hours I'm going to spend on the throne. Good thing we bought the laptop, at least I can watch a movie or two while cleansing my respected colon.

I appreciate everyone's support while I bounce in and out of denial, going from depression to manic that's bipolar. At least that's not a new diagnosis for me. Anyway, as soon as we have the results depending on my sharing mood I'll let you know.

Poll: What should we name the Alien?

I've named the alien...but keep the names coming because this is fun...

Jor El


Jory said...

I didn't stay out of curiosity, I stayed because I didn't want to just go walking out the door while you were changing, or in your fashionable little get up for that matter. And once the doc walked in, I figure I had about .001 seconds before he was going to work, so I was just sort of stuck.

I could have lived without being in there, but, the relative ease [as compared with how I handle the doctor trying to shove his finger into my groin through my scrotum (hernia exam), and how I anticipate handling a prostrate exam] with which you handled the experience left me feeling like you ladies complain about the "frozen medieval torture device" as a way to garner extra sympathy from us boys. Not that having some one intrude upon you doesn't deserve some sympathy, and, granted we have no idea what it is really like to have your vagina examined, but, you all have no idea what it feels like to have the doctor try to insert a finger into your body where there isn't a place for it to be inserted (again with the hernia).

If you want to keep that diagnosis of "Diabetes free," we are going to have to get with the program on cutting out all that sugar (soda), I have been worrying about that too.

Try not to worry too much, the surgery is going to be very routine and we can freak out after he finds out what our little alien baby really is. God, think how much we would freak out if it really were an alien baby? ...Well I would freak out, while you were teaching it to read or shoot ray guns...

tom said...

I suggest Arnold...

you know, "It's NOT a Tuma!"- Kindergarden Cop

Jory, what's a prostrate exam? Is that where a doctor determines how long you can lie down with your face on the floor? :) And how did the doctor manage to stick his finger into your sack without having his hand melted off by your radioactive nuts?

Joey, surgery is fun! You get a whole buncha neato drugs afterwards...

Joey Girl said...

No more sugars, no more smoking, I'll teach our alien child to read while you can teach it to shoot ray guns. But NO ray guns in the house!

Sorry Tom, I don't like the name Arnold and it is an alien so I think Kal El or Jor El fit best and we have to name it after it's alien father so Jor El works for me. Jory?

Oh...and Jory you're so busted! You wrote that at 6:41 AM, GO TO BED! But I imagine that's why you spelled Prostate, Prostrate.

johnsoncody said...

That's funny that Jory was concerned about the socks. I think he wore the same shirt the whole entire time I was in Chandler. The point is, Jory shouldn't be telling anyone when or when not to take off items of clothing.

As for a name for the "tumor," Arnold is pretty good. I think I would name it Jose, the illegal alien, or maybe...ALF. Anyway, take luck.

Jory said...

Ok so maybe I was a little bit tired (or lazy)...I like Ahhhhnold (emphasis on the "Ahhhh")...and Cody, of course I changed my shirt (once).

Anonymous said...

you don't think Arnold is an alien?

Jory said...

Joey came through her surgery OK. She was in a lot of pain during recovery, but, after a few doses of Percocet she seems to be feeling a little bit better, or maybe just very, very sleepy.

The doctor said that he thought the growth was an endometrial cyst, they drained it and took a biopsy, the results of which we will not know for a while. The good news for now being that the doctor seemed very optimistic.

Just thought I would leave a comment update here for anyone who doesn't read my blog.

Thanks to everyone for all of the phone calls and emails of support during our (notably more Joey's, after all I didn't have to have surgery this time) difficult episode.

And Joey, when you read this, don't ever need surgery again, thanks in advance for complying with this request. This whole thing scares the poop outta me, and frankly, I have enough poop problems as it is.

Mr. E Mann said...

We wish you the best and it is great to hear that you are doing ok!

It's also good to read you and Jory mention healthy changes. I really feel so much better since I have changed my diet/habits around. (My hospital visits in CA are ridiculously low vs. UT... around 3 vs. 50, I would estimate, when comparing the last year and a half).

LOL...Jor El is a good one. I enjoyed all the suggestions. I don't have a good one but off the top of my head I'd maybe call it Endo.

Keep us posted (you or Jory) and we'll keep hoping for the best of luck for you both!

Mr. E Mann said...

p.s. I hope my marijuana-related name I threw "off the top of my head" wasn't stupidly offensive; I had misread Jory's last comment. (Notice the hour I posted; it wasn't on the wake-up side of the morning...).
I hope you're doing well!

Jory said...

Hahaha! Not offensive at all, that is exactly what I was thinking you were meaning.

Brooke said...

Hi, there Joey...

I hope you are recuperating well. Sounds like the surgery went well, and hopefully that endo cyst isn't much to worry about. Have fun with the Percocet. ;) You're another step closer to that baby.

Take care - Brooke

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