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Thursday, March 30, 2006

...SCREW YOU, this is my ONLY chance...

Since posting my results, I still haven't really wrapped my head around the whole "you will have ovarian cancer" thing. I don't know if I really am in that much denial or just don't want to go there because I may never stop crying? Those who I have talked to comment that I seem to have a positive outlook, but I don't have an outlook at all, because I don't know what's going on, or what we're going to do, or how I feel about it. It's been taking me forever to call people because I don't know how to tell people. I don't know how to react so how does anyone else know how to react when I tell them?

Jory and I have talked about skipping the birth control pills and just going for it. Even if a hundred doctors told me to get my ovaries removed tomorrow, I would still say SCREW YOU, this is my ONLY chance to fulfill my life long dream of having my child. So I'm fairly certain that we are going to go against Dr's orders and start trying now instead of wasting a few months and maybe loosing this chance. I know, so rebellious!

I love you all, thank you for all your support, we'll keep you posted. And I'm not joking about Moab....Eric when are you guys thinking you could make it back down?

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Make Like a Rock

Andrea and I in Arches National Park Moab, UT
Spring Break 1994

Monday, March 27, 2006

Flying Spaghetti Monster Cloud

Would this be categorized with the grilled cheese Jesus sandwich on eBay? I know I can't actually sell the cloud, but a picture is just as good right? Ha Ha Ha

I knew the clouds looked funky, that's why I took this picture but I didn't see the Flying Spaghetti Monster at the time. Crazy!

Sunday, March 26, 2006

Foto Flashback

Halloween 1991

Where would I be without my coven sisters?

Juli on the left, Andrea on the right and that's me in the middle.

CKY makes me giggle and hurt

The Fourth CKY Movie

for Adult content (naked butts), sick ass behavior and a lot of bad fucking language! Aaaaand Don Vito drinks 50 shots of peach schnapps, bet you can guess the aftermath of that. Check out their other videos here and here.

Friday, March 24, 2006

Well it's not Endometriosis

I’m not sure where to start. When you get bad news but it’s not the death sentence you prepared yourself for, it’s hard to wrap your head around it. Yet again I surprised my doctor (I’ve got to stop doing this) the cysts on my ovaries are Serous Cystadenomas. With time these will end up becoming Serous Cystadenocarcinoma, the most common malignant tumor of the ovary. If they don’t remove my ovaries I will get ovarian cancer. He told me it’s not a matter of if, it’s a matter when. My doctor prescribed me birth control pills for now to stop my ovaries from working so hopefully no new cysts can grow while he consults with 6 other doctors, 4 of which are the best Gynecological Oncologists in the world. He said to expect two of them to say to remove my ovaries now. But my doctor knows that my number one priority is getting pregnant. I know it may be stupid to some to chance getting ovarian cancer just to get pregnant but that is all I’ve ever wanted. Ever since I was real little, probably since birth, I’ve wanted to be a mom.

If they do strongly suggest removing my ovaries now, there is still one option, not a very successful option but it’s still an option. They can harvest my eggs, remove the ovaries, implant with IVF (I’m assuming because we didn’t get into details) and if I do get pregnant use hormones to keep me pregnant.

Thank the stars and moons we moved to Arizona. Who knows if my previous doctor who I thought was Good As Gold would ever have found the oddly placed cysts and scheduled surgery. My doctor told me the surgery literally saved my life. Ovarian cancer sneaks up on women, they normally don't find out they have it until it's too late. At least I know my future and I have a chance to prevent it if I time it right.

I feel like such a wimp crying out, "Why me?" so I don’t. Is this denial or is it because I don’t have time to break down and cry about it. I’ve used all my personal time nursing Jory, all my sick time for my surgery and I really don’t want to waste my vacation time sitting around crying. It’s only March God Damn it! I really need a vacation, Moab anyone?

My next appointment isn’t until April 21st so the waiting game continues.

Thursday, March 16, 2006

New Oprah & Tom Video

OK, I know, enough with the videos already. But this one is good!

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Mom's text messages, More visitors and our Schizo dog

So yesterday I received a text message from my mom, Yes my mom. She can't forward an email with pictures on it, but she can send text messages.

"Are you off friday and saturday?"

I reply: yes

"we are thinking about going for a ride"

A ride? What the hell is she thinking? So I call her and she tells me she cancelled her pageant (a very long story) and has 3 days off so they are thinking about driving down to see us. My parents do this all the time, but normally it's a 3 hour drive to see my brother in Wyoming, they eat dinner and drive back home. Or 4 hours to Island Park, ID for a night in the cabin. But 3 days to come see us, they're crazy!

She wasn't sure if she could get off work early on Thursday so she said she'd call me later after her meeting at work. Later that night I send her a message asking if she's done with her meeting.

"Yes I am at chilis with my managers getting drunk"

I replied: Do I need to send dad to pick ur drunk ass up?

She immediately called me and played it off like she ONLY drinks coffee when they go to Chili's after all their meetings. Mom, denial is the first step. Ha Ha Ha!

So the parents are coming down to see us, how sweet. They're bringing Ozzy, Mazzy's brother so she'll have tons of fun running away from his horny ass. Neither are fixed so we'll have to keep them in separate kennels if we leave them home at any time. I think she'll enjoy having her brother to play with, I'm sure she gets bored with our lame games.

This is like a whole other post but oh well...
We've been talking about getting another small dog so she has a playmate and hopefully this would curb her EXTREME separation anxiety. Jory's mom bought us the "Dog Whisperer" book, but I haven't got around to reading it yet. If anyone has any suggestions on how to help our little schizophrenic dog, please throw your suggestions our way.

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

George Bush Hates Black People

I'm sorry but I can watch this a hundred times, so funny! Poor Mike Meyers, what would you do in that situation? If you haven't seen the entire thing, watch it cause Kanye flubs over his words through the whole thing.

Monday, March 13, 2006

Busted again Shrub

I may be behind the news, but they released the video conference taken 19 hours before Katrina hit the Gulf Coast showing federal officials delivering warnings to Shrub that the storm could lead to large loss of life and Shrub's response was, "We are fully prepared".

On Sept. 1, Bush said on ABC's "Good Morning America": "I don't think anybody anticipated the breach of the levees."

Busted again Shrub.

Sunday, March 12, 2006

Don't Worry, No Stitches Pictures Here.

The last 11 days have been both painful and hazy for me. It started Wednesday March 1st with taking Magnesium Citrate and playing Tony Hawk's American Wasteland on the PS2 while sitting on the toilet for hours. Then waking up at the butt crack of dawn Thursday only to sit at the Arizona Surgical Specialists Center from 6:30 - 8:30 AM for my surgery. The very nice anesthesiologist came in and gave me a cocktail in my IV right before they walked me in and had me climb on the operating table like a drunken buffoon. I'm not really sure why he gave me the "cocktail", I guess some people get nervous before surgery. Either way BRING ON the IV cocktails, it took only seconds for the cloudy liquid to make it into my vein and the ability to talk to escape me. He continued to ask me questions and I tried to sputter out answers but he and Jory just giggled and agreed it had kicked in.

I don't remember walking in the operating room but I do remember climbing on the table, removing the blanket from around my waist and not caring that my naked ass was now hanging out of the gown. They had me remove my arms from the sleeves and the nurse secured my left arm out like Jesus and wrapped the "heart rate/squeeze your arm off" thing on my right arm and TIGHTLY secured it close to my body. Mr. Cocktail Man put the face mask on me and told me to take deep breaths. I remember breathing in deep 2 twice and thinking, I REALLY don't want to wake up during my surgery, third breath and I was out.

I immediately woke up to the nurse telling me to breath. They told me the surgery was over and I needed to take deep breaths, DEEP BREATHS! I was crying now from the pain. The Mean nurse who checked me in that morning told me to expect a little pain when I wake up and that she would only be able to give me so much pain killer and then cut me off. I NEVER expected this much pain. It felt like they had sliced me open, pulled out all my organs, cut them to bits and carelessly tossed them back in and sewed me up with dirty furry wool yarn. I remember moaning and groaning and tears running down my face and the nurse YELLING at me to breath deep. All I wanted to do was go back to sleep. Why wouldn't they let me sleep?

Mr. Cocktail (who I'm now calling Superman) strolled in to check on me and asked the nurse if she had given me more meds, she said no. He sternly told her to give me something, against my doctor's so-called orders because I was in obvious pain. Feeling much love from him, I told him I was freezing, Mean Nurse interrupted and told him she'd already put on 8 blankets. Slowly my pain moved from a 10 down to a 4, I wanted to sleep and they were having none of that. Then I could hear the monitor and as I was drifting off to sleep the monitor beeping began to slow. At first this didn't scare me because I JUST WANTED TO SLEEP, but every time the nurse yelled at me to take deep breaths it was when the beeping began to slow. So then I sort of freak out thinking it was my heart monitor and me falling asleep, was me dying. But I'm so tired, I really don't care and there are doctors around so if it stops beeping and I start to die they'll do something, I figured.

They brought Jory in the room and Superman aka Mr. Cocktail tells him he had to give me double the amount of drugs to knock me out and I was having a really hard time coming out of it. Jory asked him what the beeping was and Superman told the nurse it was my Oxygen level and to give me some oxygen. Apparently this nurse was a DUMBASS! Once she gave me Oxygen and the beeping became steady and I woke up a bit more.

I'm not sure how much time had gone passed but the doctor was telling Jory that the surgery had went well. They drained all the cysts in my ovaries and he was surprised that the fluid amounted to 100 CC's, something he'd never seen before. The tumor was actually a large cyst, he drained it and took a biopsy, we'll have the results on March 24th. He also scraped the lining of my uterus and took a biopsy. My right ovary was hiding behind my bowel. Overall Jory took everything as very optimistic, I might actually be able to get pregnant now. If we do get pregnant and want a 2nd child, I'll have to go through this again.

The funniest thing I remember hearing was the doctor or nurse telling Jory, "Nothing in her vagina for 2 weeks", I smiled inside. Recently, Jory and I have joked about all the things that can't go in the vagina for 2 weeks: smuggled drugs, TV remotes, spare change and guns.

I'm not sure how much time had passed but the nurse sat me up and started pulling off my gown and helped me get dressed. Then I was in a wheelchair being pulled backwards and flipped around forward carelessly. This isn't Nascar BITCH! I started getting sick and telling Jory to hurry and get me home. Jory later told me that I had asked for water and he thought I was going to get sick in the car. I don't remember getting in the car or the ride home just telling Jory over and over to hurry and get me home. I don't remember getting home or sitting in the lazy boy.

I don't remember a lot of those first few days at home other than Jory having to wake me every 4 hours to eat something to take more pain killers and going back to sleep. I also remember feeling as though I constantly had to pee caused by the catheter during surgery. I remember asking Jory what the doctor said about everything a few times, but I could never remember what he told me. It wasn't until Monday March 6th that I started waking up a bit. Jory was getting our house ready for Juli who was flying in Tuesday night to stay the week and help take care of me. We also got a call from our friends Eric and Athena, they were in Los Angeles and would be dropping by Tuesday evening on their way to Utah.

Tuesday night came and Eric and Athena and kids arrived and Jory picked up Juli from the airport. It was the first night I stayed awake for more than a few hours at a time. The next two days were crazy with a full house and me glued to the couch. The Mann family left Thursday morning and I was starting to feel a bit better on Friday. Juli and I ventured out to IKEA where she pushed me around in the 2nd biggest wheelchair I have ever seen, they called it the Cadillac. The lady told us it's the only size they have, I think they do that to avoid discrimination. It was hard to push the wheels myself because the chair was so wide and my arms are only so long. The Caddy worked out nice though, I had my purse on my left and Juli's yellow IKEA bag full of stuff on my right. After one level of IKEA I was spent and I'm sure Juli was tired of walking and pushing, the place is HUGE.

Yesterday we ventured out in the rain (yes it finally rained!) to Casa Grande, AZ to have dinner with Juli's extended family. It was a good time, they were a lot more friendly then I was expecting (Juli's family is VERY Mormon and haven't been shy about not liking me. I am the devil after all!). Jory broke their couch with his super power arm stretch move. HA HA HA! Seriously, he lifted his arms above his head to stretch and CRACK! It felt like we sunk down into the couch a few inches. We all froze and then jumped up quickly. Her family was so sweet and told us not to worry about it. Then her uncle in a not so secret way, was telling her aunt that they had recently had a couple LARGER visitors that probably started the damage. Jory felt really bad but knowing his ass COULDN'T have broke the couch and feeling like mine could have I was relieved it wasn't me. Hugs and Kisses, I love older people, they're so funny. Maybe I'll tell you more stories later.

I'm back to work today and it sucks! I was not ready to go back today. I was 2 hours late and wanted to go home 2 minutes after I got here. I'm really tired, sore and uncomfortable in buttoned up pants. If only I had another week to recover more.

I want to thank everyone for all the well wishing emails, phone calls, flowers and plants. It was something to look forward to every day, even though I don't remember talking to anyone the first week. Apparently I talked to a few of my family members and don't remember it at all. I only accepted phone calls from my family, because my family is used to me making a fool of myself. I haven't returned anyone's calls or emails yet, I will get around to it soon!

One more week and we can go back to storing things in my vagina!

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