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Monday, August 07, 2006

16 Weeks aka 4 Months!

I mentioned to Jory the other day how fast this pregnancy is going by. I can't believe I'm 4 months already! It seems like yesterday I was 7 weeks.

I'm feeling almost like I'm not pregnant anymore, except for the ever growing midsection. I'm still in my regular clothes, which is a good thing because I don't have the money yet to afford maternity clothes. I still have 3 holes left in my belt, although I'm not sure my pants will make it that long. I'm sure I would be more comfortable in pants with no belts but unless my work starts to allow pajama pants Monday thru Friday, I'm screwed.

I'm not a skirt girl, unless it's a hippie skirt which I haven't worn for 10 years, but skirts are definitely starting to look oh so comfortable! Of course my style of shirts (any band T-Shirts) I would wear with my hippie skirts are not acceptable at work either. Maybe plain colored V-neck shirts? That might work.

You know, I think the USofA needs to change their views and laws on maternity. Once you get pregnant, you should be able to stay at home, even if that means working from home. That way you can wear whatever is comfortable. OR allow us to wear whatever the hell we want in the office, even if we have to wear an "I'm Pregnant" sign around our neck or sticker on our forehead. Although that sticker will probably fall off with all the sweating we do.

Speaking of sweating, where is the book that tells you all the changes your body will go through when pregnant? Why do all the books I'm reading leave all the crazy shit out? I was prepared and willing to go through anything before I got pregnant and am still a willing participant, I'm just thinking about all those other ladies out there. They should know all this crazy shit that happens and not wake up in shock when your nipples are twice the size they used to be. Okay maybe not twice the size, but serious gerth growth! We all know that your boobs grow bigger, your belly obviously grows and you should expect a road map of stretch marks unless you're a celebrity and have secret access to stretch mark removal cream and body bounce back spray. Have you seen Kate Hudson in a bikini after she lost her 60lb pregnancy weight? Seriously!

They should tell us that your belly button will go through several shape changes before it pops out when the turkey is done. Or how about the amount of sweat you will produce sitting in front of a fan in an A/C controlled office. How about how your hair grows in weird spurts, the color changes, if it was straight before it's curly now and if it was curly, now it's curly in a different way. What about the fact that sitting becomes truly uncomfortable even in your second month?
And you think you know what to expect when they say you will be tired all the time. It isn't about being tired all the time, it's falling asleep at the most random moments! You constantly feel like your fighting the effect of a bottle of sleeping pills. I'm not even mentioning the different types of constipation, pimples, fever blisters and ingrown hairs. I also assumed the swollen feet, ankles and legs didn't happen until your last month or two, nope it started for me the first month! And don't tell me that's an Arizona heat thing because it was worse in Utah!

I'm not saying I've experienced all of these, because I haven't. But I've been told about most of them by ladies in an online pregnancy group I'm a part of. I haven't even mentioned half of what I've read because it could go on forever and I'm already bored with this post. So my point is, someone needs to write a book, a manual if you will for first time mothers.

I'm honestly enjoying every second of this journey. If only people could stop asking those stupid questions. "Are you sure this is what you want?" It's a little late to be asking that, don't you think Asshat? "Are you sure you thought this through?" Oh wait...what have I been doing for the last 5 years of my life? Going to bi-weekly Dr. appointments constantly being poked and prodded and taking 18 pills a day for fun? Oh right...because we've been trying to get pregnant before I have to have my ovaries removed so I don't die of Cancer you Fuckface! Or worse, they reference their shitty behaved kids and ask, "Are you sure you're ready for this?" It makes me want to scream, If you had raised your kids right Fucktard, they wouldn't be eating dog shit off the ground and running around wiping the remains on your fancy furnature!

So people, if there is anything you remember here today, please Pretty Please, STOP asking those FUCKING questions! I'm not a 17 year old high school student who had sex with my boyfriend so he wouldn't dump me and didn't use a condom because That is So Uncool!

Did I mention the emotional changes you will go through while pregnant?

P.S. My next appointment is Aug. 17th, hopefully we will find out the sex of Baby J v2.0!


Jory said...

Are you SURE you are ready for this (gesturing to the ill behaved little barking machine), only with no fur and the ability to throw things?

Yeah, I always just figured that anyone asking that was asking rhetorically and trying to be funny, which can be forgiven, but, someone needs to spill the beans, Jory is the funniest, any attempt to dethrone him only results in making one look stupid and/or mildly retarded.

Joey Girl said...

Jory is the funniest MAN, I am the funniest Woman! (Stamps paper and laminates it for permanency purposes.)

Oh soooo um a coworker of mine heard me call a user (after the call ended) an "Asshat Fucktard", he fell in love and asked to use it occasionally.

Just spreading the vocab through out the land.

funny tom said...

funniest LOOKING perhaps!

Har Har Har!!!! Wakka Wakka Wakka!!!!

Mr. E Mann said...

We can't wait for the 17th. Best of luck getting a good picture to tell which sex. ;)

Regina said...

Have your people call my people and you can inherit our crib! You'll have to get a mattress (about $40 from Walmar) but other than that, the crib is in good condition and Eli slept well in it!

We need to rummage through our crawl space so anything we're willing to part with that we think you could use, we'll pass on as well.

I remember having the feeling that I wanted everything new and all that until I realized how little a lot of the items end up being used and how often a lot of our hand-me-down items got used. Some of the gently used toys and clothes we received were our very favorites and most used!

There's quite a funny book about pregnancy and birth that I think you'd like as it speaks to your feeling that there's a lot that people don't tell you about it. It's called "The Girlfriends Guide to Pregnancy." A few sections of that were my bible at the end. Packing my overnight hospital bag, making sure I had warm socks because your feet tend to get cold during the whole process, and lots more.

I see Jenny McCarthy wrote a book called "Belly Laughs" and that might be worth a read. Get a library will save you the cash at the bookstore! We're library crazy now!

Joey Girl said...

Thank You! Thank You! Thank You!
We'll call our people this weekend and work out a pickup time that works for both of you whenever you're ready.

I definitely had the feeling that I wanted everything new, but I know that's unnecessary from seeing all my friends go through this. We will take whatever we can get new or used, doesn't matter to us.

We happen to have a $30 gift card to that $40 mattress will only cost us $10 WAHOO!

We actually went through all our gift cards and found $150 to spend at Lowes...not sure what we can get there that will work for the baby, but we're going to check it out.

I'm definitely going to check out the "Girlfriend's Guide to Preg." AND it's funny you mentioned Jenny McCarthy's book, because I remember her promoting that book when it came out and burned it in my brain to read it if I ever get pregnant because it was supposed to include all those things no one ever tells you. And of course, she's eFing hilarious.

Mr. E Mann said...

Yep, Regina is right. We wanted everything new for Mat and ended up wasting money on everything from shoes (babies rarely wear) to clothes to toys. It's funny but our kids would rather play with crap like a paper bag than half the toys they have. ;)

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