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Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Two Months

We said Good-bye two months ago today. I'm doing everything I can to make it through the day. I tried to hide my tears this morning as I drove your dad to work. Your daddy is very smart Jack, he knew. There's nothing I wouldn't do to have you back baby boy. Had I only been able to keep you in my belly for two more weeks, you would have had a chance. I'm sorry Jack. I'm so sorry!

I know it's silly but I was listening to a radio show with a psychic guest. He said that spirits who have passed hear our thoughts, they don't know it's our thoughts because it's so real to them. So I hope you hear me thinking about you all day long. I hope that my sadness doesn't upset you. I wanted you so much, we worked so hard for so long to get to meet you. My heart aches for you every minute. Today I've been feeling you swim around in my belly, even though you're not there anymore. It makes me happy for just a moment then it hits me hard in the heart. I've had to leave my desk a few times and hide my car because I can't control my tears. I have never known such pain and such sorrow, I'm not sure I know how to handle it. I wake up every morning, get out of bed and remember to breath in and out. I will make it through this for you and for dad but it is a long journey.

Family members keep asking me what I want for my birthday this month or for Christmas. No one can give me what I want, because it's you. You are my shinning star Jack. My beloved boy, I wish I could hold you and tell you how much I love you. I talk to your elephant all the time. I hope you hear me and feel my hugs. I kiss it once in the morning and once at night. And if by chance we are given another miracle it won't be replacing you. You, my boy will always be my first born. You will be their big brother. You will be their guardian angel.

Your daddy and I will be lighting your candle tonight Jack. Feel free to come and visit us, we'll be watching for your dancing flame.

Love You Forever Jack!

Missing you, Mommy

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

My Mom is a Survivor

My mom is a survivor,
or so I've heard it said.
But I can hear her crying
when all others are in bed.
I watch her lay awake at night.
and go to hold her hand.
She doesn't know I'm with her
to help her understand.
But like the sands upon a beach
that never wash away...
I watch over my surviving mom
who thinks of me each day.
She wears a smile for others,
a smile of disguise.
But through Heaven's open door,
I see tears flowing from her eyes.
My mom tries to cope with my death,
to keep my memory alive.
But anyone who knows her
knows it's her way to survive.
As I watch over my surviving mom
through Heaven's open door...
I try to tell her that
Angel protect me forevermore.
I know that doesn't help her,
or ease the burdens she bears.
So if you get a chance, call to her
And show her that you care.
For no matter what she feels,
my surviving mom has a broken heart
that time won't ever heal.
~K. D'Ormeaux

Tiffany Lewis said...

Just heard about your blog from Aubrey a little while ago. I just wanted to tell you I'm really sorry to hear of the news of Jack's passing. I can't imagine what you and Jory have been through in recent months. My prayers are with you.

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