Monday, December 31, 2007
Friday, December 21, 2007
This past August while we were in Utah for my little brother's wedding, our friend Sara decided to drop the bomb that her and Carl would be getting married in Florida on December 6th! I looked at Jory and told him I wanted to go. It took a bit of finagling for Jory to find out if he could take the time off work, but we got the good to go. Meanwhile Sara asked me to be her bridesmaid so I had to buy a dress! Not that anyone cares, but I found a hippie type dress that would work but it showed some serious cleavage and those of you who know me, know that I don't show a lot of skin, let alone boobie skin so it was an uncomfortable experience to say the least. But on the trip...
But sitting in a brand new (only 708 miles) Sparkling Black Super Kool Dodge Caliber trying to figure out this piece of shit GPS made us the perfect target for any bad ass to take advantage of the tourists who are apparently lost. This thought frazzled me to the point of not being able to assist Jory in making this damn GPS work. By some miracle, Jory was able to tell me where to go and we did find our hotel without getting lost again. Luckily I had previously Mapquested the directions to the hotel and had remembered there was a toll road so I was prepared with coins, however bringing the Mapquested directions was an after thought, being the reason I decided at the last minute to request a GPS.
The wedding was beautiful and tear filled. As I stood up there as a bridesmaid, I was reminded of my own wedding; Jory and I standing on our rock, love filling the air felt like warmth from the sun, not just our love for each other but the love of our families and closest friends surrounding us. Looking in Jory's eyes was like staring at the warm sun, tears rolled down my cheeks. Realizing I was lost in this memory I glanced up at Josh as his eyes welled, tears began to form in my eyes which can quickly turn to uncontrollable bawling since Jack died, so I turned to Jory hoping to get control and he smiled. Like a Secret Super Power, his smile cured me. How lucky I am to have such a wonderful partner in life. I love him so much!
After the wedding we went to Christos' house for the reception. At sunset we took pictures out by the lake beyond his backyard, it was definitely picture perfect. After the usual cutting of the cake and garter toss and dancing we were all worn out and ready for bed. Then we realized it was only 6 PM, it felt like 2 AM! After a little encourage from Carl's best man Alex and Josh, we all decided to go out to Coconut Grove for some drinks.
We excitedly walked to the register to cash out and BLAM! PANIC rushes through me as he tells me my debit card is being rejected....Jory was right we are in the ghetto...someone stole our card info and now our identities...we'll be stuck in Florida with no money...WAIT! My card is fairly used, I have had problems at some places that can't read my card so I took a breath and had Jory try his card BLAM FUCK YOU BLAM Rejected! OMFG we're fucked...it's real...that damn dirty rental car place...the shuttle driver who looked and acted like he was going to take us to an empty warehouse, rob us and kill us, the eclectic hotel front desk clerk with his multi colored eyebrows...one of them did this ARGH! Of course outwardly I displayed a calm, collected attitude in order to not let Jory stress out. If something did happen, our families would be able to help us out with money for food or whatever til we got home. Luckily I'm a fairly responsible adult and always have a credit card on hand in case of emergencies. After picking up our fabulous new camera, we walked outside to smoke a carton of cigarettes and call the bank to realize our horrible fate.
While driving back to our hood, we saw what looked like Sylvester Stallone driving in a fancy car, I didn't get the best look, but Jory is convinced it was him. He looked so much smaller in person, nothing like RAMBO!
That night, concerned about having to run through the Houston airport to make our connecting flight with only 20 minutes between, I knew I had to do something about this blister now the size of Pluto. After reading online, it was ok to pop it as long as I keep it clean, we headed to CVS for some supplies. Surgery commenced and as the blister exploded, the excruciating pain went with it. Why didn't I do this yesterday? I constructed some moleskin to protect the blister area which was still very sore but I could actually walk without wanting to kill myself.
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
"all is well in the SLC. Now that i'm living in Rose Park, I've recently purchased a Glock 9mm and an AK-47 assault rifle...I'm looking for an RPG launcher, but they are hard to come by. Please send one my way if you can. I am now a member of the Tongan Crip Gangsters. I recently participated in my first drive-by and popped my first cap in a cop, but i'm not sure if i'll be able to stay in the gang for long. I think the rest of the crew are starting to figure out that i may not be Tongan. However, my fellow gang-banging brothers and I are getting along well so far, we officially control about 6 blocks in the 'hood as well as the local park. However i want to be more violent and menacing than my cohorts so i'm considering starting my own crew, J.R.P.P. or Jewish Rose Park Posse. Instead of bandanas we'll wear yamulkes. And instead of "jumping" new recruits in, I'll make them eat kosher for a month. BETTER CHECK YO' SELF, FOOL!"
Hope you don't mind me sharing this Pedro, it was too funny to keep to myself!
UPDATE: I responded to Pedro...
Good thing you decided to join the Tongan Crips, I hear their Sunday BBQ's are Delicious! Too bad they aren't down with more violence. Jory and I are thinking of creating our own "gang" if you will, called the Dexters (I know we're working on the name). We'll be serial killers who kill serial killers. (if you don't know what I'm talking about, see www.sho.com/dexter it's the SHIZNIT)"
"Ha! When i first read your greeting, i thought it said "Hi Horny", i was like, how did you know?
i don't have Showtime, but i am familiar with the premise of Dexter. Before you met Jory, he and I used to go on the occasional random killing sprees, usually when we were out of "supplies".
the BBQ's are a nice touch, burying a pig in coal pit and all, but the whole pork thing wouldn't fly with the J.R.P.P.
As part of my "joining the gang" ceremony they gave me my own mu-mu and a couple of flaming batons to twirl. I'm still practicing twirling and sticking my tongue out as far as possible, i guess it's some islander thing.
April's not too fond of my new "friends", but once i showed her all the drug money i've made and all the new shoes i've jacked off of suckas, she's warmed to my new lifestyle. She LOVES shoes. Also, blue colored bandanas don't bleed in the wash as much as the red ones, so she likes that. I WAS recruited by the Cholo 6th Street Bloods, good think i didn't join that gang, all my undies would be pink by now!
I've also received some new tats. "Psycho Palua Koa'Ka", my O.G., gave them to me. here's a pic of me and my new gat:"
Tuesday, December 04, 2007
We'll be back next Monday.
What a deceiving title...he he
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Back in the day Mario Brothers taught us NOT to swing our controller all over the place to try and make it up and over the flag pole. You know you did it, at least in the beginning you did it! You swung your Nintendo controller clear over from the left side of your body, high above your head, over to the right. You did this until you learned the power run and jump. At one time everyone has pulled the controller out of the console and sometimes the console would follow to the ground, depending on your setup.
We have learned to hold our hands still and let our fingers do the talking. Tilting the controller felt horribly wrong, like I was breaking the rules of life. I had to turn off that option immediately. I am however excited as hell to purchase a flight sim game and see what the tilt can really do! To learn from the Wii, we might have to leash the controller to my hand so I don't toss it's Wireless ass through a window in a fit of rage!
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
At 100.7 KSLX, we spared no expense and hired a top notch celebrity to deliver your birthday gift to you since you are one of our favorite listeners!
Have a great day!!!!!
Happy Birthday from everyone at 100.7 KSLX!
So, it's your birthday. Big deal... Well it's a great excuse to go do something for yourself and not feel guilty about it.
The guys got you something... no, really... the gang down at the U.S. Airways Center are hooking you with a pair of tickets for an upcoming Phoenix Roadrunners Hockey game.
Check out the video from Holmberg's Morning Sickness to explain it all then download this certificate.
Seriously, have a great Birthday from the Big Red Radio and the guys from Holmberg's Morning Sickness.
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Let me digress, it was 1990 something, I was 15 or 16 years old and at the time I had recently moved back home with my parents and two of my brothers. Christmas morning my little brother Christopher woke me up and I was sick with nausea and a raging headache. I told him I'd wake Shane, our older brother and we'd meet them all in the family room.
When I woke Shane, he complained of a headache and nausea. I thought I smelled gas or something in his room, I joked about us being poisoned by carbon monoxide. When my mom finally came down, I told her to go to take a whiff and see what she thought. She came back and wasn't sure if she smelled anything. We did however all agree that if it was carbon monoxide we wouldn't be smelling anything...so we should be ok. After a little while of opening presents my parents and Christopher started feeling sick and getting headaches. Finally either my mom or dad decided to open a window just in case (this was in Logan, Utah, freezing ass cold Utah, opening a window isn't something you do in the winter in Utah). My dad went outside to check whatever you check when you smell gas in your house? and when he came back in he said he started feeling a little better while he was outside. So he and my mom went around and opened every window in the house and they called someone to come check on the furnace. I don't remember much between the windows being opened and my mom forcing us to go outside while the house was airing out. Apparently the duct from a secondary heater in the family room was blocked and our basement was filling with carbon monoxide, we were extremely lucky to have woke up at all that morning.
How does this life and death story relate to breakfast? A few hours after our lives had been spared, my dad made us the most delicious scrambled egg, cheese and diced ham croissant sandwiches! I remember they were fairly big and we all had seconds! Ever since, our Christmas morning breakfast has always been those scrumptious croissant sandwiches. Every other family get together though, it's delicious quiche.
My point....after 30 years, I finally got the secret family recipe and this past weekend I made the BEST quiche Jory has ever had!
With homemade hashbrowns, Delicious!
Monday, November 26, 2007
Sunday, November 25, 2007
Saturday, November 24, 2007
Friday, November 23, 2007
I have only purchased tissue once in my life and it's because I liked the decorative box. They actually sell boxes to hide your "ugly" tissue boxes in! You can even design your own tissue box via Kleenex for $4.99. Seriously? I'm baffled. What a waste.
Stop buying "Tissue" and grab some toilet paper, stuff it where you will, be that a Fancy tissue box or in the standard cardboard one you already have instead of throwing yet more waste away!
Thursday, November 22, 2007
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Butterball workers were documented punching and stomping on live turkeys, slamming them against walls, and worse during an undercover investigation at a Butterball slaughterhouse in Ozark, Arkansas.
One Butterball employee stomped on a bird's head until her skull exploded, another swung a turkey against a metal handrail so hard that her spine popped out, and another was seen inserting his finger into a turkey's cloaca (vagina).
One worker told an investigator: "If you jump on their stomachs right, they'll pop ... or their insides will come out of their [rectums]," and other Butterball workers frequently bragged about kicking and tormenting birds. Read more in the investigators' log notes.
PETA's investigators discovered these horrors between April and July, 2006, during an undercover investigation at a Butterball plant that slaughters approximately 50,000 birds each day.
Read PETA's complaint to local prosecutors asking that cruelty charges be filed.
The closest we will get to a Turkey dinner this year is Boston Market and I'm sure we've probably already missed the deadline, so I for one will not be buying a Butterball Turkey or anything from Butterball again.
ps I'm totally cheating...I changed the date so it looks like I posted this on 11/20 but I didn't...he he
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