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Monday, April 30, 2007

Buckle Up, It's gonna be a bumpy ride!

I don't even know where to start. So much to write about, so much I can't say, I guess we'll see where this ends up.

Keep your arms and legs inside the ride at all times and enjoy your day at JoeyLand.

I guess I'll start with what I can talk about; my oldest brother Jason is getting married! I was shocked when I heard the news because I sort of always figured him and Colby would never marry for whatever reason. I guess I didn't expect Shane to get married either and he did so I've been wrong before.

I haven't met Jason's fiance, Pim but from what I gather she's from....well I was thinking Thailand, but actually I don't know for sure. I don't know anything about their relationship. I'm assuming he met her while working over in Thailand, he was going to move there for work and to be with her, but that didn't work out. All I know is they are getting married in Logan, UT on May 19th and moving to Singapore in August, YES Singapore! Due to the short notice of the wedding annoucement, I'll be flying out to Salt Lake alone on the 18th and back on the 20th. With buying this new house and moving on the 25th, we really couldn't afford to spend $500 to both fly in on the 19th and back home on the 20th. I'm really excited for Jason and I'm so relieved I can make it, even though it will be weird without Jory.

So on to the subject I can't really talk about, but can't stop thinking about so I must write something even if it makes zero sense to everyone. I've been very concerned about a friend for the last three months and have felt so helpless being so far away. Without being able to blog about it due to privacy reasons, has left me so brain-garbled. Keeping all my fears and worries in my head is consuming to the point I feel like I'm drowning. My worries spiked when we returned from Moab and I couldn't get a hold of my friend for 4 days. I pulled out the In Case Of Emergency contact and finally found out she is safe and working on getting better, but still not out of the woods. I know deep down she will be ok but because there has been no improvement for over a week, it's scary. It's never taken this long before. I can't stand to even think about the future without her. Hopefully by the end of May things will have improved and I'll be able to see her. Sending good vibes to my friend that I miss.

Next on the agenda, TTCAL aka Trying to conceive after a loss.
It's a road I never expected to be on and I don't really know how to handle the bumpy ride. I was used to TTC with no luck, we had tried for so long it just didn't seem like it would ever happen. Then when it did, it was like being in fantasy land. It took a while to feel real. Although today, it all feels like a dream and then a nightmare when Jack died.

I'm trying to consume myself with the new house stuff instead of falling further into depression. We've tried now for 5 months and have had no success. It's tiring going to the doctors every other week, sometimes twice a week for ultrasounds, shots and pills and there's no way to explain the frustration when we see that NOT PREGNANT on the test every month! I do feel lucky to have been pregnant once, but it felt like a evil twisted tease.

"YAY You're pregnant after trying for so looooooooooooooooong! OH Wait....we can't let that happen, sorry about that, we were just kidding. We're going to rob you of your perfect pregnancy and your perfect son! Fuck You Joey, you SUCK!"

I know that sounds crazy, but that's how I feel. I feel robbed and cheated and shit on and I'm tired of being shit on. I want good things to happen to us. I think we're good people, we have a lot of good friends and they wouldn't hang around if we sucked. Our families seem to like us. So what have we done to deserve this path in life? I know I'm throwing myself a pity party. This is what happens when I don't vent on a daily basis. AARRGGHH!

This also happens to be the month we wanted to avoid TTC, but don't feel like we have the luxury to avoid. If we get pregnant this month, we will be due Jan. 26th, just 4 days after Jack's due date. It seems so easy to say, don't try this month but we really don't know how much time I have. It would be very hard and extremely emotional to be pregnant on the same schedule as we were with Jack. But to not try and then never get pregnant, I would always wonder "what if".

Chapter 4 of this obnoxously long novel by Joey...
Christopher's fiance Fawn is scheduled for a c-section June 11th. Did you know you could do that? Schedule the day your going to give birth via c-section (if you qualify) so you don't have to miss important events like your aunt's wedding! Crazy I tell ya! The sooner it comes, the more stressed I am about meeting my nephew and holding him for the first time. Just typing those words brings tears to my eyes. Unfortunately I won't be able to meet him until August which is almost better, because I know there is no way I would be able to walk into the hospital, let alone up to the maternity ward and greet my little nephew. I hate that I feel this way, because he'll be my first nephew and I would have wanted to be there every step of the way, but losing Jack changed everything. Normally when you hear someone is pregnant, there's excitement and happiness, but for me it's like being punched in the chest and having the air knocked out of you. But I've learned to quickly smile and say "Good for them". I used to immediately ask to see baby pictures, now I pray they don't show me one; I want to see it, but I don't. I know I'm going to cry the first time I see little Haiden. I'll probaby tear up before I even get out of the car to walk up to their door. I'm sure they'll understand, I just wish it didn't have to happen this way. What I wouldn't give to go back in time and change everything!

Oh AND...I have yet to send out Jack's birth/death announcements! I'm starting to feel like people are really going to wonder why it's taken me almost 8 months to send them. Oh well, I spent the money, I want people to have a little something of Jack for their scrap books, bookshelves, memory box or junk drawer. So that's my goal for this week, get them addressed and mail them out by Sunday!

If you've made it this far, I want to Thank You for hanging in there, I know it was a bumpy ride. I promise to not do this too often and to blog more frequently.

WAIT...One more thing...I swear this is it!
Shane & Jessie bought a new truck and boat! I'm so excited and I just can't hide it! I know depression and tears to singing a lame ass song...I'm bipolar, it's not a secret. Anyways, here's a pic for your viewing pleasure.

Peace Out!

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

It's Official...and We're Back!

Our offer was accepted and the loan was approved (today), we are officially buying the 2nd house we looked at for the 2nd time. We sign the papers and move in on May 25th, FINALLY!

We had yet another successful Moab trip. We planned on leaving Thursday morning, but we slept in (as usual). So after we finally had the car packed, we realized we wouldn't get to Moab until around 2 AM. This means setting up the tent in the dark, if...IF we can find a camp site. That would only add stress to what is always a stressful event anyway. The plan changed to hang out, take a nap, then leave around 11 PM and drive through the night. This may be odd to most people, but we both work nights and don't go to bed until around 5 am anyway.

We ended up leaving around 2:30 AM, but had to pull over in Scottsdale because Jimi was car sick and drooling like a faucet! I had to let Jory drive while I held Jimi and took care of her. We had given both Mazzy and Jimi medicine to calm their nerves, but obviously it didn't work. So we didn't really get out of the valley until 3 AM.

We arrived in Moab around 11 AM on Friday. We found out Slick Rock campground was full so we ended up camping near Dead Horse Point at The Horsethief campground. They were really nice sites with great bathrooms, HOWEVER there was a camp host and we all know camp hosts are like having parents crash your party. The old fart actually came over to our camp 30 minutes after noise curfew to tell us to keep our voices down because other people were sleeping. We weren't being loud or out of control, just sitting around the camp fire roasting fucking marshmallows! He was acting like we were a group of teenagers kegging it up. Good Gawd we're all 30 and over! At what age can you expect to be treated like adults?

Anyway, the only other bad thing about this campground is, it was located 30 miles away from the grocery store. Normally when we go camping in Moab, we setup camp, then go back into town and get groceries. So after we setup at Dead Horse Point, we had to drive the 30 miles into town and 30 miles back to camp. It wasn't really that bad, but not what I would have preferred.

Other then the Noise Nazi, we had a great time. Next time I think we'll splurge a little and reserve a large site in Arches National Park's Devil's Garden Campground and do the Arches tour, it's been awhile since I've done that.

Until next time....Peace Out! (more pictures to come)

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

It Always Happens In Three's...

Best friends & Siblings
Ozzy (left) & Mazzy (right)

R.I.P Ozzy
November 21, 2004 - April 15, 2007

Sunday morning I got a rude awakening from my youngest brother Christopher. He called to inform me our "fur"brother, Ozzy had died. My initial response was, "Are you kidding me? This can't be happening!" First Jack, then Jerry, now Ozzy. I had been wondering if and when the 3rd would come, I just didn't expect it to be Ozzy.

I had talked to both my mother and Christopher Friday about Ozzy, he had received his distemper and rabies shots a couple days before and he was acting lethargic and wouldn't eat. I told them both that Mazzy was the same way for two days after her shot, but she came around. Christopher was concerned because he was watching him while my parents were out of town. He had called the vet who told him not worry too much, if he's still sick Saturday to give him a call. Saturday came around and Ozzy was still sick, and now wasn't drinking any water or eating. The vet asked them to bring Ozzy in and he would run some tests. Nothing was found, not even on two x-rays so they sent him home to call the next day if nothing had changed. Sunday afternoon, after my parents are returned home, Ozzy had laid down by the front door where he liked to nap and fell asleep. My step-dad decided it was safe to run outside and check on something, when he returned a short time later, he found Ozzy had died right where he left him. They called a breeder friend who offered to take him to Utah State University for an autopsy. They will also be testing his food to rule that out as a cause. They'll get the results in two weeks.

Ozzy was a good dog, not the smartest of the bunch but very sweet and always had kisses for anyone who said hello. My parents are devastated and lost without his companionship. I'm sure Mazzy will try to find him the next time we visit and will be disappointed when he's not there to play.

Rest in peace Ozzy, we miss you already!

Saturday, April 07, 2007

Possible Future Home of the Johnson's?

After living here in Arizona for two years now, we're finally seriously looking for a house to buy. It's exciting and stressful at the same time. We can't wait to get out of our ghetto apartment! Today was the first day our realtor who's also a friend of mine took us out to look a few houses. As we pulled up to the first house, I mentioned to him that we have this habit of buying the 2nd house we look at. I'm sure he didn't really believe us, but it might be true. The first house was kool, big back yard with a patio that was as long as the house and trees already shading the yard. However the 2nd and 3rd bedrooms were super small, so was the living room. Also the laundry hookups were out in the garage, which can get really hot in the summer. Not all people would like the style of the 2nd house we looked at, it's quirky and I like quirky.

The 2nd house:

When I saw a picture of this house, I thought of "The Alamo" but I know it doesn't look like the Alamo, I guess technically it's referred to as Southwest or adobe Style?

We're thinking of putting a blinking neon sign above the tile roof that says,

"Open For Business".

Above the garage is the perfect spot for my GIGANTIC ceramic sun I bought years ago
at "Dirt Cheap" in Ogden, UT.

The Great Room aka living room/dining room/kitchen.
Check out the rounded hallway opening.

HUGE open kitchen with those super kool slide out shelves in all the cabinets!

Dining room looking into the Master bedroom on the left and Mud room on the right.
Through the mud room is the garage.

Deep garden tub & shower in the master bath.

That's our front door on the right and construction dust on the island.

What looks like travertine tiles, but I'm sure they're not.

This is a huge backyard for Arizona, something that is really hard to find.

AND....there is more then a foot between the houses! Most houses in AZ you can hand your neighbor a plate of cookies from your window to theirs. This space is really important to us.
I didn't get a good picture, but our side gate is super nice wood and metal, just my style!

Large covered patio, does't look that big in this picture because of the angle,
but I would guess it's 20x12. It's exactly the same as the front covered patio.

This house is located in East Mesa which would require a 30 minute commute to work, which so far is the only negative about this house. It's a 3 bedroom w/ walk in closet in the master bedroom, 2 full bath and large 2 car garage. We're not sure when it will be finished, probably first of May. It comes with all the appliances except the fridge, which was the same with the house we built in Utah. It's located in a cul-de-sac so no traffic and it's safe for kids to run around and play. The number one reason we really love this house, no HOA! About 90% of the houses in Arizona are all HOA, so YAY we don't have to pay someone a fee to tell us not to park on the curb, or to tell us we can't play music outside!

We'll keep you posted!

Sunday, April 01, 2007

The Happy Hooker

So I'm still working on the blanket, but I got bored for a minute so I decided to try out the hat. I've made two, because I messed up the color pattern, not that it really mattered but I also screwed up the slip stitch at color changes and added a stitch instead. I corrected everything on the 2nd hat. What do you think?

Here's the hat with mistakes:

Here's he hat with no mistakes:

And for on Mazzy:

Donate for My Kindness Project to Honor Jack!