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Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Moab Trip in the Works - Labor Day Weekend!

I know it's early...hopefully that will mean more people will be in attendance...but the Johnson's will be going to Moab August 31st thru September 2nd or 3rd for Jack's 1st Birthday and anniversary of his death. If we get word from more then a couple of people, we will reserve a large campsite for $50 at Slickrock so we don't end up driving around searching for spots as it will be a busy (holiday) weekend.

We'll be doing something special for Jack, whether that be birthday cake & ice cream or I don't know...I have some ideas but I'll get back to you on that.

Let me know ASAP if you think you'll be there!

Monday, July 09, 2007

Here we go again

Wow so much yet so little has happened recently. In alphabetical order...

A. What's it called? Show And Tell
I found this website: and I can't get enough of the pictures listed!
Here's one: Oh The Irony

and I SO have to get me one of these:

B. Se7en Se7en Se7en
7/7/7 came and went and I didn't even realize. Did you?

C. Jory The Anti Blogger Johnson
Jory still hasn't posted a long has it been? Some where near 3 months?

D. Her Royal Highness Jimi, has lost her privates!
Jimi got spayed this past Friday. It was heartbreaking leaving her at the hospital. Picking her up and seeing her all doped up and sad was even worse! I took some video of her Heroin Nod and will get it posted it ASAhumanlyP. I felt horrible for making her go through that. I'll know how she feels when I surrender my ovaries soon enough, thankfully she doesn't know what she lost. Yesterday she started feeling better and she even started jumped up on the couch again, but because I had been lifting her up on the couch and setting her down on the ground, she now refuses to jump down. She'll jump up, but she won't jump down. It was cute at first but it's getting out of control. She cries now when I leave the room because I SO rudely forgot to move her highness to the ground!

E. Spilling Jory's Beans
Since Jory won't post a blog and I have something to tell you all that is directly linked to what he hasn't blogged about, he's forcing me to spill the beans. So yeah, Jory got a new job making oodles of money or at least it's oodles to us, to the average family it's an upgrade from SPAM to Ham. Jory thinks we're millionaires but really it's just going to make paying this new mortgage a little less painful. So go on now, bug Jory to tell you all about his new job. Oh and the reason I had to spill the beans is because his new hours are 8-5 a normal day job. SO LAME! Working 3pm to midnight was putting a damper on cuddle time with my husband so I've retired my vampire hours and am now working a semi day shift (when I just typed shift it actually came out as shit which is how I feel about daytime hours) I started this new shitty shift, 10 am to 7 pm today and it's actually not going too horribly. I'm tired...because I wasn't able to fall asleep until some time after 4 am. I was up once at 7 am when Jimi cried from on the couch after Jory left for work. I would have left Her Royal Hiney on the couch, but I really wanted to sleep for another hour. Then I unconsciously snoozed until 9 am...when I should be walking out the door or at least on my way to the door or thinking about the door, not waking up! Within 15 minutes I was on my way out the Frackin' (he he...I'm sure Jory will be the only one who gets my "he he" since he's the only one on the planet that watches Battlestar Galactica the series) door and would have made it on time, however a flatbed truck with bags of cement decided it was tired and didn't want to hold the heavy cement anymore and dumped it on the 60 West slowing traffic to an old man with a broken walker's pace. I ended up being only 6 minutes late. Crazy.

F. We've Got HUGE Mail
After 5 weeks, we finally have a mailbox up! It will be so nice not to have to drive to the post office and wait in line for 30 minutes to pick up my god damn mail! You should see it, it's GIGANTIC, perfect for all my prescription pills and VW Bugs I receive in the mail. Actually you will see it, after I get done painting it, I'll post a picture so you can all be jealous! Here's a preview for your pleasure: (obviously that is not our address, don't think you can come stalk and kill me)
G. Utahrd Bound
Jory's time off request for Christopher's wedding was approved, so the Johnson's will be headed to Utahrd August 23-27th. It's another short trip, but he did just get the job so we're lucky he got any time off. Hopefully we'll be able to fit in some "Friendly" visits.

H. Hostel
Have you seen this movie? I loved it. I like blood and guts movies so it was right up my alley. I know I'm late with this review, Jory and I haven't been out to a movie in over 2 years! The last movie we went to was A History of Violence and it sucked ass. Hostel 2 is better, the ending is awesome! No it's not in theaters yet....I'm sneaky and watched it online.

I. Now I'm just making shit up to make it through the alphabet.

J. Blockbuster Shenanigans
We recently joined the Blockbuster online DVD Total Access. It's awesome, maybe I'll start a daily review of all the movies we are watching. No I won't. I keep promising shorter more often posts, how the hell do I expect to post daily movie reviews? I can't. Maybe occasional reviews. Here's a few to start with:
1. Charlotte's Web...Loved it! A must have in your DVD library.
2. Turistas...Pretty Good, similar to Hostel. Wouldn't watch again even if it were on HBO.
3. Stranger Than Fiction...Not as funny as I expected with Will Ferrel, but I would suggest it to a friend.
4. Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Beginning...Really good, it's hard to scare me or gross me out and this definitely did the job! Way more gore then Hostel!
5. Hannibal Rising....I liked it, I would suggest you see it, but I won't buy it. You'd be screwed up if you were forced to eat your sister too!
6. Babel...Interesting, glad I saw it but it's not a must see. I must say...Brad is hot whether they make him look old or not!
7. Saw 3...Loved it...I like how they explained and showed how the first two were done. I'd buy it.
8. Big probably haven't heard of this one, no need to look this new release up.
9. Da Vinci Code...Loved it, I'd buy it if I find it on sale for $10 or less.
10. Deja Vu...AWESOME! I really loved it. Watched it 3 times in two days. Definitely buying it.
11. The Departed...pretty good. If you like dirty cop, mobster movies you'll like this.
12. Deliver Us From Evil...I love documentaries so I was interested immediately. Moving from one parish to another in Northern California during the 1970s, Father Oliver O'Grady quickly won each congregation's trust and respect. Unbeknownst to them, O'Grady was a dangerously active pedophile that Church hierarchy, aware of his predilection, had harbored for over 30 years, allowing him to abuse countless children. Juxtaposing an extended, deeply unsettling interview with O'Grady himself with the tragic stories of his victims, filmmaker Amy Berg bravely exposes the deep corruption of the Catholic Church and the troubled mind of the man they sheltered. IMDB

K. Nuff said...Peace out!

Sunday, July 01, 2007

10 Months

I've tried to post my thoughts at each month mark since Jack died and have not been able to stop crying to see the words that I was typing and what's worse is I have to do this at work because that is when my mind wanders, that is when I have time, that is when I feel the most alone.

I can't even comprehend that it's been 10 months. I've heard remarks from people I work with like, "You're OK now, you've dealt with that by now, right?" I generally stare back at them with a "What kind of fucktard are you?" look on my face. I try so hard to be nice and occasionally I'm able to say something like...."Taking it one day at a time". But then I feel like an alcoholic telling someone how it feels to be sober. If it were only that easy!

Is it that impossible to comprehend that having your child die isn't something you Deal with, Check-mark and File away in the completed box? It's not like taking a puppy home and having it die the first night. YA that's sad, but you get over that, you move on. This was my son, my first born, my baby boy, My Jack. I wanted him from the time I was a baby myself. You can ask my mom, I always had to have my babies with me, couldn't wait until I could have 20 of my own. Yeah, 20 kids! I wasn't planning on giving birth to all 20 but at least the first 6 or so and then I planned to adopt all the others. I'm having deja vu, have I written this before?

When I was six, my baby brother Christopher was born and my mother had to pry him out of my arms. "He was my baby!", I would tell her. She tried to trick me by making me a doll and naming it Christopher so she could have her son back, but that didn't work. I bathed him, dressed him, fed him...I raised him. As he got older I even tried to mold him into someone like me by picking out his clothes and telling him what music to listen to. Obviously that didn't work out, but I eventually accepted that he was a cowboy and likes country music. I love you Billy Boy!

Before I met Jory, I met a guy who is commonly known as "Asshole". Sara and I met up with him and his friend in Ogden and after an awkward minute of chit chat we jumped in our cars and followed him to a party as originally planned. In the car Sara and I discussed how he was not my type and how I wasn't remotely attracted to him at all. And within that first hour of meeting him, he was pulled over and arrested, well he was eventually let go with a ticket. Normally this is where the girls turn and run from this crazy scumbag, but since we were pulled over right out front of the party, I figured, we could go in and mingle for a bit, maybe we could find some HOT Guys! Once we got inside and scouted the room, finding no hot guys I figured I'd be polite and tell "Asshole" we were leaving. After talking for a few minutes I realized we didn't have much in common, it seemed he was telling me what I wanted to hear and I'm sure he noticed I was looking to bolt. So he pulled out his saving grace, his Trump card...a picture of his daughter. Sabrina Gabrielle was 2 years old. I fell in love with her picture and his story about being a single dad. I wanted so much to be a mother, I hooked up with a guy I didn't really like. After the first week together, he was kicked out of his parent's house (another sign I should have run) and I was already homeless (a whole other story) so we ended up in a broken down VW bus for a few months, when that was taken away we stayed in tents, his sister's house, the park, up the canyon, in a friend's car (Thanks Eric!) where ever we could find a place to stay. I stayed with Asshole too long...all because of this precious little girl! She started calling me mommy really quick in the relationship, which I really liked, but knew wasn't right. We didn't know where this was going, how long it would last, her best interested was my number one priority. Long story short...I kicked him to the curb, took care of Sabrina alone (he was going to give me custody of her while he cleaned up his life and he didn't want his parents to take care of her) until I dropped her off at her grandparents house for the weekend as I had done a few times before. "Asshole" was still "working" on getting me custody when I went to pick her up and they weren't there. Needless to say, I never saw her again.

To this day, I still have every bit of clothing she had, every toy, absolutely everything. I had accepted that I would never see her and tried to return her things, but not even "Asshole's" sister (who was sort of a friend) would oblige. At 18 years old, I was willing to give up everything for that little girl. Occasionally I would drive by his parent's house, hoping for a tiny glance at my little princess. The same cars were in the driveway, but I never ever saw her again. She'd be 12 years old now. I only had a year with her, but I was with her every moment of every day, she was my life. It's like having your child kidnapped, except it wasn't really your kid so you can't do anything about it. Her birthday is September 23rd, every year on that day, I wonder what she looks like, if she's OK, would she even remember me. I miss my 'Brina.

I don't know what my point is, other then I miss Jack. 10 months or 10 minutes, I miss him. A moment without him is heart wrenching. My heart hurts today, just like it did yesterday, as it will tomorrow. All 10 months means, is his one year anniversary is coming up very soon. We had planned to go to Moab and spread some of his ashes on his 1 year, but with the new job I don't know if Jory will have the time.

For those of you who have asked about "a little bit of Jack" I planned on sending out back in's coming. The new house and moving and the hurt hand all delayed the project. I promise it will be sent soon, hopefully before August.

Love you Forever Jack!

Donate for My Kindness Project to Honor Jack!