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Friday, September 21, 2007

Kaycee's Walk To Remember

Tomorrow we're going to Kaycee's Walk To Remember. It's an event to raise money for SIDS research and to honor our children who have died. There's a professionally timed 5k run/walk, the actual half mile Walk to Remember, Custom Car and Street Rod Show, Guest Speakers, Silent Auction, SIDS Memorial and Food. Plus lots of Infant and Child Death Prevention and Safety information.

Beautiful little Kaycee died at 3 months of age due to SIDS. I "met" her parents on the MISS Foundation website and keep in contact via MySpace. It's people like them that inspire me with their strength.

I wanted to have Tshirts made for us to wear to honor Jack, but the date totally snuck up on me! On my lunch today I went to Joanne's and picked up some shirts and iron-on transfer stuff, we'll see if I can put something together tonight.

Going to this may not be a big deal to most, but for me, it's like "Coming out of the grief closet". I'm very verbal about being a mother of an angel online but publicly I always trip over my words when someone asks me questions. I even rehearse in my head what someone might ask and what I would say but when it all comes out it's horribly garbled and they can tell I'm not wanting to talk about it, EVEN though I am! I want to talk about Jack. I don't want anyone to forget about him. But wanting to and doing so are two very different things. Because I don't talk about him out loud very often, I almost always start to cry or get that lump in my throat. Most of the local people I know online from the support boards will probably be there tomorrow. We may have people recognize us, or if we wear the shirts, recognize Jack's name. Which means people might talk to us and I'll be forced to talk back, it's scary for me, this new me, I've become.

Time to go home, I'll write more later.

1 comment:

Obi-wan Cenody said...

I think it's natural to feel that way and probably most people would understand. Also, don't feel like you should hold back your emotions. I think showing your emotions is a natural part of the healing process. Anyhow, good luck with the shirts.

Donate for My Kindness Project to Honor Jack!