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Thursday, January 10, 2008

Deep Dark Dreary Hole

Talk about a mental breakdown! That Lupron through me for a loop. It grabbed me from the inside and forced me down into a deep, dark, dreary hole. I couldn't see the light above, I couldn't find the strength to reach out. It was like an invisible compactor squeezing the air out of my lungs. The tears threatened to drown me as I sat in my car in desperation. My mind was running around in a maze of disbelief, I thought the knowledge of possible Mood Swings would allow me to laugh at the coming tears and bitchiness, however there was no comedy here.

This pain took me back to the maternity ward in the hospital, moments before Jory asked me to "hold on" for him. I was so ready to let go, disappear into nothingness into my forever sleep. But wait...there was that light, my Jory he could rescue me. I struggled to send him a text message through the blinding tears, "I'm sorry for the next 3 months". He responded, "Thanks for the advance notice". I told him, "I can't stop crying". Feeling his warm arms around me, I read "Is there anything I can do?". Not quite understanding he had already helped, I replied "no".

Sitting there, I realized the tears had stopped. I was breathing again. I cleaned up my face and went back into work. (I couldn't go home, my coworker had already left early "sick".) I didn't find it until later, but around the time my tears had gone, Jory sent me this to use for future breakdowns:

Thank you Jory!

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