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Thursday, February 28, 2008

Letters from the inbox Part 2



12:01 am 2/28/08

dear sir,
i want ot know that which type of fast food is mostly like by youth /teenager whihch is healthy for them.


Dearest Pooja,

As soon as I'm done watching "You Suck At Photoshop #6" on YouTube, I'll run right out and survey a few youth/teenager and get back to ya!

Thanks,

Tech (and apparently Survey) Support


1:55 pm 02/28/08

Why is it that you folks do not want any new business? I finally got your Rep *Name to call me and he was to set an appointment right after Christmas. I have never heard anything else from *Company name. I suppose he did not say Christmas of what year...

Tom


Dearest Tom,

I suppose you are right, Smart Ass!


Thanks,

Tech (NOT Customer Service) Support


2:15 pm 02/28/08

Subject: APPLICATION FOR THE POST OF DATA ENTRY/RECEPTIONIST or any suitable job

Respected Sir,
The some post of " DATA ENTRY/RECEPTIONIST or any suitable " is lying vacant under your kind control. In response of vacant vide your Company Website.I beg to say that I am interested to do the Job cited above. I am an energetic Youngman of 23 years. I have 5 year professional experience of complete Microsoft Office (Typing Speed 35/41), Graphic Designing, out look Express, Adobe Photoshop, Coral Draw Scala, and lot of experience in internet/computer. I have one year experience of Computer Operator practical teaching experience of Computer at La Salle School System and one year experience of Data Entry Operating from Humza Composing Center and many more organization (Detail looks my C.V). (Still continue)
I have a lot of processional skills in Warehouse Worker Departments and Computer work with reference to foreign Exchange in my county.
Sir, if shall be given a chance I shall leave no stone unturned. My professional skill can be checked and verified through practical test.
Reference Available (on Your Demand)
My Passport Detail is as Follows.
Name: Khan *middle nameS and last name edited
Passport No: *12345...
Date of Expire: 05-JUN-2011
I assure you will feel proud on my services for other information please checks my C.V. (Bio Data) which is enclosed with my request. Kindly also call for any confirmation about my professional carrier I am waiting for your kind reply. Thanks advance.
Hopping for your sympathetic consideration.
Your obediently
Khan*


Dearest Khan,

I think this might be more up your alley...



Thanks,

Tech (NOT Human Resources) Support

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Bored...Ring

I was bored the other day at work...so I made a ring.

Then I noticed my hands are very wrinkly,

like elephant skin.



Letters from the inbox

In between answering calls from "mental midgets", I also work a consolidated inbox. Every once in a while we get a crazy email. Today's was so Out There I figured I would share it. I think I might post more of these in the future. I will only be editing the names or account information on these emails.

I HAVE A QUESTION. IALWAYS TRY TO GET ONE OF YOUR CO CALENDERS. I LIKE THE 3 MONTH DISPLAY. MY WIFE WORKS AT ONE OF YOUR ACCOUNTS.
THE QUESTION IS, WHY DOES YOUR CALENDER NOT REPRESENT THE GOOD FRIDAY OR EASTER DAYS, YOU HAVE CHRISTMAS (CHRIST BIRTHDAY) WHY NOT EASTER (THE DAY THAT HE AROUSE OUT OF HIS TOMB).
I WOULD JUST LIKE TO KNOW IF WE ARE BUYING FROM AN ANTICHRIST CO OR WAS IT JUST A MISTAKE.
THANKS, DAN



Dearest Dan,

Yes, we are an Antichrist Company. Let us know if there is anything else we can help you with.

Thanks and Godbless,

Technical Support

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Assignment #35

Ask your family (and/or friends) to describe what you do
*some things edited for my protection


Mom says:

You answer really dumb questions all day by really dumb people, (Except your dad of course). He's the only smart one there.


Dad says:

Joey here is what I think you do. You work for a Food Distribution Company at their support desk, helping internal and external customers resolve issues on several different computer platforms and web based ordering programs. You spend the vast majority of your time dealing with mental midgets some of them fellow employees and others that are customers expecting you to work miracles even though they do not have the mental capacity to pour water out of a glass let alone find the "any" key on the computer. Oh did I mention that you are underpaid and work far harder then those people you are helping. You do the work they reap the rewards. However one positive note you do manage to find enough time while working to surf the web and find fun little projects like this on.


Bro-In-Law Cody says:

I think you do a number of things.

First, you put up with Jory and all of his shenanigans. I know how it is, I grew up with him. But I miss it. Second, I think you work for (*close enough I had to edit), or (*good guess Cody), or something like that. I know you take calls from people, but I'm not sure what the nature of the calls are. Maybe you respond to people who find cigarette butts in their soup or something. Then you tell them that they shouldn't eat their soup out of an ashtray. Then you go on break and venture out to your car to watch a clip of Dane Cook. This brings you relief and makes you laugh, helping you make it through the day. Finally, you get to go home to put with more of Jory's tomfoolery.


Jory says:

Joey works at a help desk for a national food distribution company. She essentially helps retards who can't get their computers to work. This help is usually initially greeted with open hostility which is then followed with sheepish gratefulness. Corporate food supply rules! Soylent Green is....PEOPLE!
There, happy
JoryDJ


Keara says:
You work on the help desk at (*nunya bidness). You answer calls and provide technical support to customers, vendors, drivers, and whoever else happens to dial 1-800-(*woah nelly don't give that out) and have the joy of getting you on the other end. And I don't mean that in a sarcastic way.


Sara says:
You know, you WOULD have to ask me to describe THIS VERY THING because I know I really have no idea...although we have discussed it several times. Here is my best and probably the worst description of what you do... I know you do something on the phone helping people who can't help themselves. You're like a customer service person of some sort but better than a customer services person? I thought you worked for a chain....I know that you dont really talk to anyone at work and on your breaks you watch dvd's in your car.
OMG I'm so ashamed!!!!!!!!!! What DO you do? You know I love you more than anything! I hope you weren't completely offended!

This project was so much fun, especially since it took very little work on my part. I LOVE that they all had their own way of describing the people I help. HA HA!

What do I actually do? Well a whole lot more then work, but since everyone assumed the question was What do I do for my job...then that's what I'll share with you.

You can reread my Dad and Keara's responses, they pretty much hit the nail on the head. Or in my words:

I work for a National Food Distribution Company, in Information Systems Support or Technical Support to put it simply. I answer calls from internal(my coworkers from around the world) and external (customers, vendors, confused non customers and those wanting to be coworkers, FedEx employees who can't dial the right number and those thinking they are calling the Suicide hot-line, SERIOUSLY!) users. I resolve issues on literally hundreds of mainframe, installed applications and web based programs on several different computer platforms. I spend the vast majority of my time surfing the Internet, playing Guitar Hero III, watching movies, online TV, reading, crocheting, creating "Dexter" works of art and miniature furniture out of styrofoam packing material. In between all that, I talk to people who can't seem to figure out how to power down their computer if it's totally frozen. (Press and hold the power button until the fucking piece of shit turns off!) Or "I can't place my order, I'm getting an error that says a Pop-Up has been blocked" (Turn off your fucking pop-up blocker, you fucking retarded monkey or my favorite, "I can't log in, it says click here to change your password" HEY ASSHAT, CLICK FUCKING HERE THEN! WTF is wrong with people? If you can't handle computer basics then you need to quit your fucking job cause I'm tired of DOING IT FUCKING FOR YOU!
WAIT here's my real favorite...John Smith Division Manager for Anytown, CA calling to find out HOW TO DO HIS FUCKING JOB....I'm not kidding! I don't know John, maybe you shouldn't have LIED on your application and said you knew WTF you were expected to do. Do you really think that we at the help desk were actually trained on how to do every one's fucking job? Not likely.

Honestly though...since moving to this earlier shift last July I don't have time anymore to play Guitar Hero III, watch movies (except on my lunch), online TV, read, crochet...unless I'm working for someone on a Sunday. I do still however find time to create "Dexter" works of art and miniature furniture out of Styrofoam packing material in between talking to all the Fucktards.

Can't wait to start the next assignment!


Thursday, February 14, 2008

Monday, February 11, 2008

Jimi Proof, Finally!

Fence Project Complete

Our dogs are our children, therefore we will do whatever it takes to protect them from the big bad world (and the wild bunnies). Filling over 150 holes in our fence was definitely more time consuming and painful then I ever imagined.

I started this project soon after we moved in last June. The 100+ degree weather put the project on hold for a few months. I have since worked the occasional hour or two filling more holes on my weekends, but it seemed I would never finish.

Drum Roll Please...

I spent several hours Saturday afternoon digging out the weeds that had swallowed the back wall and double the time on Sunday filling the remaining 40 holes. Unfortunately I did not take a Before picture, this is the after. See the weeds in the upper right of the picture? That is the Giant pile of pulled weeds. Next week, we will be burning them.
We also added the same mesh to the gate, just in case one of the dogs (Jimi) decides to rebel and sneak out in the middle of the night to go have drunken unprotected sex with her boyfriend.


Jimi realizing she can't stick her nose in the holes anymore, but can clearly still spy on the neighbor's dog.
I know the holes look really small in comparison to Jimi, but if she can squeeze her Fatty McFatty Pants under the couch to fetch her ball, then she could have escaped through one of the holes.

It was as if she knew she was finally free to run and explore. She ran full speed 3 times around the yard to celebrate!

Finally relaxing...making all the time and body pains totally worth it!
Click here to view all the photos.

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Our Dogs Get Mail

Jory's mom "GranSandy" sent a package to the girls. This is the video Thank You to her. I was going to get crafty and add some music but let's be honest, that will never happen. We still can't park our cars in the garage because it's full of unpacked boxes!

(Cody, I emailed your mom the link to my page so she can see the videos but you know how often she checks it, so will you holler at her and show her the videos? Thanks!)

Part 1


Part2

Winter Wonderland

Everytime I call family or friends back in Utah, I hear that it's snowing Again. My parents told me it's been snowing every time they've wanted to take the Christmas lights down, so they're still up. HA HA! I told my mom to turn the lights on and take some pictures for me so I could see how much snow they've really got and here's what they sent me:



This is the recycled tire horse swing and teeter-totter in the back yard. Behind them you would normally see an old barn shed. The snow has completely covered it. You can see a tiny part of the roof line in the upper right hand side of the picture.


Those lollipop sticks are 3.5 feet long so that's 3.5 feet of snow, not to mention the 4 to 4.5 feet you see on the left. Crazy!


A view from the right side of the house.



In comparison, here's what our typical Arizona winter storm looks like:





Monday, February 04, 2008

Guess Our Band Name


While everyone was glued to their TVs watching the SuperLAMEBowl yesterday, Jory and I ventured out shopping. After recently becoming Guitar Hero III ROCKSTARS thanks to Keara and Chris I decided I really wanted ROCKBAND! Who wants to wait around until Thursday to ROCK OUT with your COCK OUT? he he (Keara brings Guitar Hero to our house Thursday nights)
So without further a-do...we took the plunge and purchased one of the funnest games of all time. I must admit the drums are a lot harder to play then I had thought they would be. We even gave in and sang a couple songs. We'll be picking up an Guitar Hero III guitar so when we get bored with the drums or singing we can pick up the bass. Plus if we have more then 1 visitor we can all ROCK OUT together! (Rockband guitars are NOT sold separately until 2009, until then any Guitar Hero III guitar will work but only the xbox 360 version)
Here's the fun part, in order to go on a world tour we had to choose a band name. You'll never guess it, but I thought it would be fun seeing what you would come up with. I'm not sure if this will help but Jory came up with it in seconds.
Oh alright...I'll give you a real hint: First word starts with a V, second word starts with an H.

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