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Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Assignment #35

Ask your family (and/or friends) to describe what you do
*some things edited for my protection

Mom says:

You answer really dumb questions all day by really dumb people, (Except your dad of course). He's the only smart one there.

Dad says:

Joey here is what I think you do. You work for a Food Distribution Company at their support desk, helping internal and external customers resolve issues on several different computer platforms and web based ordering programs. You spend the vast majority of your time dealing with mental midgets some of them fellow employees and others that are customers expecting you to work miracles even though they do not have the mental capacity to pour water out of a glass let alone find the "any" key on the computer. Oh did I mention that you are underpaid and work far harder then those people you are helping. You do the work they reap the rewards. However one positive note you do manage to find enough time while working to surf the web and find fun little projects like this on.

Bro-In-Law Cody says:

I think you do a number of things.

First, you put up with Jory and all of his shenanigans. I know how it is, I grew up with him. But I miss it. Second, I think you work for (*close enough I had to edit), or (*good guess Cody), or something like that. I know you take calls from people, but I'm not sure what the nature of the calls are. Maybe you respond to people who find cigarette butts in their soup or something. Then you tell them that they shouldn't eat their soup out of an ashtray. Then you go on break and venture out to your car to watch a clip of Dane Cook. This brings you relief and makes you laugh, helping you make it through the day. Finally, you get to go home to put with more of Jory's tomfoolery.

Jory says:

Joey works at a help desk for a national food distribution company. She essentially helps retards who can't get their computers to work. This help is usually initially greeted with open hostility which is then followed with sheepish gratefulness. Corporate food supply rules! Soylent Green is....PEOPLE!
There, happy

Keara says:
You work on the help desk at (*nunya bidness). You answer calls and provide technical support to customers, vendors, drivers, and whoever else happens to dial 1-800-(*woah nelly don't give that out) and have the joy of getting you on the other end. And I don't mean that in a sarcastic way.

Sara says:
You know, you WOULD have to ask me to describe THIS VERY THING because I know I really have no idea...although we have discussed it several times. Here is my best and probably the worst description of what you do... I know you do something on the phone helping people who can't help themselves. You're like a customer service person of some sort but better than a customer services person? I thought you worked for a chain....I know that you dont really talk to anyone at work and on your breaks you watch dvd's in your car.
OMG I'm so ashamed!!!!!!!!!! What DO you do? You know I love you more than anything! I hope you weren't completely offended!

This project was so much fun, especially since it took very little work on my part. I LOVE that they all had their own way of describing the people I help. HA HA!

What do I actually do? Well a whole lot more then work, but since everyone assumed the question was What do I do for my job...then that's what I'll share with you.

You can reread my Dad and Keara's responses, they pretty much hit the nail on the head. Or in my words:

I work for a National Food Distribution Company, in Information Systems Support or Technical Support to put it simply. I answer calls from internal(my coworkers from around the world) and external (customers, vendors, confused non customers and those wanting to be coworkers, FedEx employees who can't dial the right number and those thinking they are calling the Suicide hot-line, SERIOUSLY!) users. I resolve issues on literally hundreds of mainframe, installed applications and web based programs on several different computer platforms. I spend the vast majority of my time surfing the Internet, playing Guitar Hero III, watching movies, online TV, reading, crocheting, creating "Dexter" works of art and miniature furniture out of styrofoam packing material. In between all that, I talk to people who can't seem to figure out how to power down their computer if it's totally frozen. (Press and hold the power button until the fucking piece of shit turns off!) Or "I can't place my order, I'm getting an error that says a Pop-Up has been blocked" (Turn off your fucking pop-up blocker, you fucking retarded monkey or my favorite, "I can't log in, it says click here to change your password" HEY ASSHAT, CLICK FUCKING HERE THEN! WTF is wrong with people? If you can't handle computer basics then you need to quit your fucking job cause I'm tired of DOING IT FUCKING FOR YOU!
WAIT here's my real favorite...John Smith Division Manager for Anytown, CA calling to find out HOW TO DO HIS FUCKING JOB....I'm not kidding! I don't know John, maybe you shouldn't have LIED on your application and said you knew WTF you were expected to do. Do you really think that we at the help desk were actually trained on how to do every one's fucking job? Not likely.

Honestly though...since moving to this earlier shift last July I don't have time anymore to play Guitar Hero III, watch movies (except on my lunch), online TV, read, crochet...unless I'm working for someone on a Sunday. I do still however find time to create "Dexter" works of art and miniature furniture out of Styrofoam packing material in between talking to all the Fucktards.

Can't wait to start the next assignment!


Jory said...

I get the new car when you get fired!

Jon said...

jenni gets it wrong everytime...though lately i think it's just a joke...

but she'll say "he's a programmer" and i have to correct her "i'm a web programmer"

i know it's it's probably not a big deal out in the world, people assume a programmer is a programmer...but i don't make software, i make the stuff behind web sites

Joey said...

Don't get me started on trying to explain what Jory does to people...

I guess it's technically easier to explain then it used to be since now he only does a 1/8 of his job function back in SLC.

Adam said...

Joey, your dad has the hands down best description of what we do that I've ever seen.

Donate for My Kindness Project to Honor Jack!