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Saturday, May 31, 2008

Our Plane Crashed and We're stuck on this Island with Black Smoke that just ate our pilot. OH Hey can call me Freckles anytime. wink wink

What a rough start to a nice vacation. USAirways LOST our most important piece of luggage, you know the one with all the clothes. I don't know how one bag made it on the plane but not the other when they were checked in TOGETHER! Hello McFly? We were told that our bag would probably come in on the 2:30 am flight and we could come back and get it. OH GOODY! We only had 3 hours sleep last night, been up since 6 am that morning, SURE we'll come back at 2:30. They offer to deliver it sometime between 8 and 11 am, which to me sounds like the phone company when they say they'll be there between 8 am and 5 pm and don't show up until 4:59.

We had planned on getting up early and driving to Bear Lake. Would they deliver it to the Bear Lake Marina? Well actually yes, if we could give them an address. But then we'd have to sit at the slip all day waiting and miss out on some serious boating. Not gonna work folks! So we ask them to call us at 2:30 and tell us if our bag did indeed arrive, because honestly it could be LOST (you know on an island with Kate and Jack and super sexy Sawyer).

Meanwhile, I go to pick up our rental car and after the 45 minute hike up hill both ways Smiley Magee who must be a car salesmen in is off time greets me and tells me they are giving me a Free Upgrade to this nice white giant box of crap not-so Minivan. Um no thank you, I'll just take the compact I RESERVED! Well actually we only have two cars left so we're giving you the minivan. Are you FUCKING ME? I really don't like being FUCKED with Sir. Well I can give you the SUV (Ford Explorer) for an extra $5 per day. Um again, no thank you. I'd really like my compact now. Seeing my disgust and utter annoyance and all this bullshitery, he gives me the SUV no extra charge. I really didn't want the SUV, HELLO gas prices, but the minivan was straight out of 1985. The Explorer was pretty, Homecoming Queen, I had to have it. (Apparently I'm a lesbian when it comes to cars)

We left the airport, drove to our favorite Utah eatery, SCONEdCUTTER! Pick up yummy sconeD sangwiches and ate them at Sandy's house. YO Utahrds, what's up with the road construction on 3300 south from the 215 all the way to 700 east? Do you really need to tear up roads on a constant basis just for something to do? Good Gravey.

2:15 rolls around and Jory starts calling, no answer. At 2:30 we decided to head back to the airport assuming our bag will be there. How lost could it get between Phoenix and SLC honestly? He continues to call as we drive and still no answer. We arrive right at 3 am, when the lady told Jory she'd be leaving. He runs in while I circle the airport and as I drive back around, there's my sweet Jory FLAMES shooting out of his ears and nose and no bag. No Bag and No Bitch. She was gone, closed up shop. Names were called, words were said, not happy.

We drive back out to Sandy and as we pull into the driveway guess who calls? The Bitch, well not THE bitch and actually this lady was apparently nice but you know how we're feeling. She says the plane was delayed but our bag was on it and we can come get it. HA HA! We are not driving clear the fuck out there AGAIN. They promise to deliver it at 9's currently 4 am and we finally go to bed.

Jory's alarm goes off at 9 am, he heads upstairs to wait for our bag, I sleep an extra hour and now the tables have turned. Our bag arrived, I'm awake and Jory's sleeping. I must wake him and drag is ass off to Bear Lake now.

Until next time, Peace Out Bitches!

Friday, May 30, 2008

Tales Of The Crib Part 2

"Boobie Trap"
Same complex (Pinnacle Lakeside) in Murray, UT 1999....Some time around 6:00 AM our friends and neighbors Todd and Darby wake up to guys dressed like the Michelin Man surrounding the building next to theirs. Was this the apocalypse? Turns out one of the residents was a drug dealer and he had boobie trapped his safe with a bomb in case one of his friends or enemies turned on him and tried to steal his drugs or drug money. Apparently the COPS showed up to bust him and found the bomb, so of course the bomb squad showed up in full Michelin Man attire(Puffy white suits). The bomb was removed and no one was harmed.

"Burnin' Down The House"
Within weeks (I think), Todd calls and tells us his building is on fire! We all run over and check out the excitement. The top floor was pretty much gone and it had spread to the second floor on the opposite side of the building from his first floor apartment. We later find out that the third floor neighbor left a candle burning when she went out on an errand. The third floor was gone, the second floor was flooded and the first floor just had smoke damage. Todd and Darby ended up having to move. We later followed them to Shadowbrook in West Valley City. Pinnacle Lakeside ended up tearing down the building and rebuilding a new one.

"Chain Gang"
For several weeks in a row people had been breaking into the community swimming pool behind our building after hours. We caught most of them skinny dipping and doing various naughty things, it was great fun. One night like clock work we heard the usual drunkin' splish splashin' in the pool. Jory and I sneak out our front door and tip-toe over to the empty apartment next to ours and peak through the opening in the stair well to the pool and there were six naked people splashing about. I went back inside to tell Shane that it looked like it was going to be a crazy night and when I opened the door to his bedroom, he was no where to be found. I came back out and told Jory, both puzzled, we wondered where he could be at this hour? Right at that moment from the corner of my eye, I see a guy staring at me from the neighbor's empty apartment and I practically shit my pants! He smiled and opened the window, it was Shane. He had heard the noise before us and when he remembered that apartment was empty he decided he'd get a better look at the naked pool party from their balcony so he tried the front window and it was unlocked. He walked around to the living room and opened the door to let us in. We army crawled out on the balcony and watched this free live porn show AND I must say, it was freakin' crazy! This party was putting all the other skinny dippers to shame. I don't want to get too graphic but I have to tell you a little to explain the story. They were coupled off into three pairs and one from each pair would float on their backs while the other would perform oral sex. You really couldn't see much detail but it was obvious what we were seeing. They would swap partners and commence said naughty acts. One of the long haired girls was floating so well you could see her boobs except they weren't anything to look at. They were tiny, not even mosquito bites. In fact as I scanned the other couples it seemed all the girls were surfboard flat. When I pointed this out to Jory and Shane, we all took a closer look. It hit us at the exact same time, those long haired girls were not girls, they were GUYS! ALL OF THEM WERE GUYS! We had just been watching live gay porn. Embarrassed, Jory and Shane practically flew out of the apartment. In disbelief, I hung back and took a second look, I just couldn't believe that we had been fooled for such a long time. But Indeed they were all guys, and at this point they were forming a chain, kinda like the bunny hop except naked in a pool and I'm sure pork swords were involved. I only wish I had a digital camera back then and could post an embarrassing (for us all) photo for your viewing pleasure.

Stay tuned for Part 3 including "Italian Mafia", our own COPS episode "Suspicious Smell" and a round up of Random Acts of Pinnacle Lakeside Kraziness.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Tales Of The Crib Part 1

I recently read Dom's COPS stories and I have so many of my own I thought I'd share them with you.

"Fire Starter"
Back in 1998 Jory and I lived in Pinnacle Lakeside Apartments in Murray, UT with our friends Juli and Eric. As usual we were out on our 3rd floor balcony smoking, drinking and bullshitting. We could hear some arguing across the parking lot in the building just southeast of us. This wasn't a new occurrence, we always eavesdropped on all the neighbor's fighting, it was like living in one giant COPS episode all the time. We see the guy come out of the 1st floor apartment and we get all excited cause we're going to SEE some action instead of just hear it. He was taking trips from his apartment out to the grass with arms full of clothing and suitcases full of clothes. He continues to make this huge pile and we're wondering what the hell he's doing but assume he's probably kicking his girlfriend out and this all her stuff...except we still haven't seen or heard her? His last trip out we notice what looks like a milk jug and he's dumping this liquid on the huge pile of clothes. It only took us a couple seconds to realize it's gasoline that he's dumping and he's planning a bonfire! I grab the phone and dial 911 immediately. With the amount of clothes he piled up I figured the flames would reach the 3rd floor apartments near him and possibly start the building on fire. As soon as he drops the match the flames roar all the way up to the 3rd floor and it's a lot closer then I thought. I explained the whole story to the 911 operator and they dispatched a fire truck. Like the voyeurs that we are, we continued to watch the chaos from our balcony. After a couple minutes other residents came out with large bowls and were filling them with water from the spigot and trying to put out the fire. It wasn't until we saw then that we all looked at each other and wondered why we hadn't ran down to help. While still laughing at ourselves for not helping the fire truck drives in and around to the left and disappeared. The 911 dispatcher called me back and asked me to go down and wave the truck in, they are lost. I explained that it just drove by but yes I'll run down. Five minutes later it makes it's way back around and I point out the already extinguished fire. The cops finally show up and we tell them about the couple fighting and we haven't seen them since he started the fire. We point out their apartment so they can go investigate. Still standing on our side of the parking lot we can see the cops knock on the front door and no one answer, walk around to the back of the apartment and knock on the sliding glass door and still no response. They came back over of me and said no one is answering, am I sure that was the apartment. We all nod in agreement and I ask the cop if he really expected the guy to answer the door? Seems to me if I just lit my girlfriend's stuff on fire and the cops come knocking on my door, I'm probably not going to answer. The cop said they didn't have reason to break in to the guy's apartment so there's nothing they can do. I asked him why they weren't worried about the girlfriend, maybe he hurt her or killed her? The cop said we didn't see him hurt her or kill her so again they can't do anything more. They suggested I report the incident to the apartment manager and they could investigate whether the girl was ok. Gee thanks Mr. Ociffer! And no I didn't report it and I have no idea what happened to the girl, we never saw her go in or out of the apartment after that.

"Cop Killer"
Same complex, probably the same year. Jory and I both worked at Bass Hotels & Resorts (currently known as Intercontinental Hotels Group). On our way home from work one night we pulled into the turning lane on State Street to turn east onto Hill Ave and there's a freakin' Army hummer blocking the road. I drive south 100 more feet and pull into the 7/11 on the corner and an Army dude with an M16 is telling me I need to leave, 7/11 is currently closed. I tell him we live down that road and I point at Hill Ave and he says this road is closed we'll have to go around. We get back on State street and drive north to 3900 S and head east to 300 E and that road is closed too. We continue north on 3900 S and see that 400 E is blocked too, even though it's not a thru street, it stops at an always locked gate to our complex. So we keep going around to 500 E, circling back on 4500 S and north again on Gordon LN and find the south side of 300 E is closed too. We circle all the way back around to the Chevron on 3900 S and 300 E, pull in and park. I walk in and ask the clerk if they know what is going on. She tells me some guy robbed a bank and is hiding in an apartment on Woodlake Drive. My jaw hits the floor and I explain that's our complex! I run out and tell Jory and we realize my brother Shane is probably home so I call him and he had no idea anything was going down. I tell him to go out on the balcony and tell me if he sees anything. He thinks I'm joking, then I hear a thud. He whispers that he sees Army dudes doin' the Army crawl in the grass, on the carports and around buildings. As he spies from the inside we were talking to other people stranded at the gas station, not being able to get home. We found out that this guy went to the bank and tried to cash a forged check, when they question him he acts suspicious so they call the cops. Apparently an off duty cop was nearby so he came to check it out and the robber guy shoots the cop and takes off to our apartment complex and hides out. I relay the whole story to Shane so he will go inside or at least be careful because the robber is armed. He called me a few hours later to tell us they were evacuating the buildings near the 300 E entrance, he could see them passing babies and children over the fence into the adjoining neighborhood. We end up spending 6 hours stuck at the Chevron and don't get home until 11:45 PM that night! Apparently when they finally got into the apartment the robber was hiding out in, he wasn't there. So the whole ordeal felt like a big fat waste of time. Although on our way up to our apartment we bumped into our neighbors who had escaped from Bosnia and they were all freaked out, saying they left Bosnia to come here and live in peace and they walk out their door to find Army men with M16's crawling around like we were in a middle of a war. I felt so bad for them. It was exciting to us even though our night was wasted hanging out at Chevron, but to them it was all too real and scary.

Since this is so long already I break them up into different posts.

Stayed tuned for Part 2...

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

I apologize in advance for the length of this ridiculously long, not real exciting post.

I don't know why but sometimes I just can't find the energy to write. Which is totally crazy because that's how I function. If I don't write about whatever everyday, my rapidly spinning brain begins to drown me with thoughts, ideas, To Do's, reminders and keeps me up into all hours of the night and early morning. Lately I've been tired, passing out on the couch, no energy, not even to write.

So here I am forcing myself to write, anything, something. It's not that hard Joey just type the words...t y p e words WoRdS and more words.

Jory's mom Sandy and his brother Cody came out for Mother's Day weekend. We offered to pay for her flight as her gift, but also to force her to set a date to come see us and it worked. It was way too short a visit, but we enjoyed our time immensely. Hopefully it was enough to get her excited to come out again for a longer time period. I love Sandy! She's super kool, sweet as ever and funny. I appreciate every moment we get to spend with her. Jory's whole family is awesome! I really lucked out with my in laws. It probably would have been weird if Jory had sisters because I'm used to all boys, growing up with four brothers myself. It will be weird when Cody and Casey's future soul mates join the family, I'll probably be all territorial and shit! I have had them all to myself for the last 10.5 years. They don't really feel like brother in laws to me anymore, much more like real brothers. I spend more time with them then some of my own brothers so I guess it's only natural.

Did you notice how I totally got off subject and skipped writing all about how depressing Mother's Day was for me? I'm good, real gooood! he he! No but really, having Sandy and Cody here was a fabulous distraction. It hit me later on, but I did good at staying sane. PS Keara made me the cutest Mother's Day gift EVER...I'll be posting a pic soon.

This past weekend was a whirlwind triathlon. Mazzy was scheduled to get spayed at 8 am Friday and Jory's procedure was scheduled for 8:15 am so he ended up driving himself, I ran and dropped off poor sweet Mazzy and cried my way back to my car, praying she wouldn't die. I drove like Speed Racer back home, grabbed the laptop so I'd have something to do while waiting the 5 hours we were told it would take for Jory, then off again to see if I could catch him before they took him in. I arrived around 9:30 am and found out he was still waiting his turn. The nurse took me back to the holding area where the patients were all packed in like sardines with only curtains separating them. It was so tight, I couldn't even squeeze in to kiss him without knocking his neighbor in the head with my elbow, so I rubbed his blanket covered feet and told him I loved him. As the nurse walked me out, she said it should only take an hour or two. Right on! That's way better then 5 hours! The waiting room was packed so I took the laptop out to the car and decided to put in a movie. Thirty short minutes later the nurse calls me to say he was already in recovery and I should meet her at the back door. My mind raced with every horrible possibility. Why did it only take 30 minutes? Why did they want me to meet them at the back door? Why didn't she say he's OK? Why did she say the Doctor wanted to talk to me? I was totally freaking out on the inside because Jory was waking up slowly and I didn't want to worry him over nothing. I held his hand tight and did my best to keep it together. The nurse kept coming over every few minutes and repeated that the doctor wanted to talk to me and he'd be right over. The longer it took, the more crazy my thoughts became and I was seriously on the verge of tears! I didn't think I could keep it together any longer when Jory leaned over and whispered the funniest thing in the world to me!

Don't hate me, but I'm not going to share Jory's medical procedure with you, which means I can't tell you what the funniest thing in the world was, unless he decides to share.

The doctor came over said all looked good, but they did do a bunch of biopsies and we'll have the results back on Tuesday. (Still holding breath a little cause we haven't heard yet) Jory was hilarious because he wasn't remembering anything. I kept having to repeat the same stories and info to him over and over. After about an hour in recovery they let me take him home. The last thing the nurse said was he couldn't drive for 24 hours. As I pulled out of the parking lot, I reminded him that Keara would come over later and we'd come pick up his car. Still high, he laughs and says he can totally drive it home. I laugh and tell him it's not happening.

After getting home and making him some toast, we both passed out on the couches and napped until 3 pm when I had to get up and go get little Mazzy. Five hundred Freakin' Dollars later, Uterus-less Mazzy rode all the way home laying in her bed on the passenger seat. I thanked her a million times for surviving the surgery and told her it would be totally unacceptable for her to die any time soon.

The rest of the weekend was spent nursing Mazzy and Jory back to health. I've been exhausted ever since.

Oh wait there's more! Last night at exactly 6:30 pm I was sitting at work and out of no where an ear ache hit me like a ton of bricks! Every time I would burp or cough my right ear popped and it felt like I was being stabbed! By the time I got serious about going to Urgent Care, they had already closed. I decided I'd go in the morning if it wasn't better. I slept on my right side most of the night hoping whatever it was would drain out and when I woke up this morning if felt better. It still pops when I burp, which I do a lot, but it doesn't hurt as bad. If it gets worse again tonight I'll go get it looked at, otherwise I won't worry about it. I just don't want to hop on the plane next Friday, go crazy from the pain and get arrested for disorderly conduct or worse.

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Mother's Day

A Mother's Day Ode

I am your mother, but you, my child, I cannot hold.

It'll get easier with time, or so I'm told.

People may forget that I am your mother.

I'm part of a secret club we only share with one another.

But that doesn't diminsh my love for you.

I think of you the whole day through.

I wonder what you're doing, my Precious Little One.

We are connected by an Infinite bond which cannot come undone.

I will not let Death tear us apart.

I promise to always keep you alive in my heart.

©Susan Mosquera, all rights reserved

Tuesday, May 06, 2008

Guess Who's Birthday it is Tomorrow?


Save The Date! Friday June 6th


The Drama Continues wit Dad

So I just got off the phone with dad. I knew if I didn't call him, he'd get all drunk tonight and call me again. Apparently it was his GF Donna who got him all paranoid. She told him she was beginning to think that maybe I was trying to avoid him.

The first time they came down was last December, three days before we were leaving for Florida. I was busy as shit trying to shop, clean house and prepare for our trip. They came down to help Donna's daughter go through her condo that her son burned down. They were busy from morning until night. We tried to meet them for breakfast the last day they were here but they kept moving it back an hour or two. Finally around noon, they wanted to meet us at some seafood joint. A-I don't do seafood. B-Even if I did, I wouldn't eat it for breakfast! We told them we weren't down for seafood and they should just call us when they want to come out to the house. They came and stayed for a whole 15 minutes.

This time as you've already read, they came for Donna's daughter's graduation. They went to the graduation Saturday morning, had a BBQ that afternoon into the evening. Sunday they were headed the only window for "Joey time" was Sunday morning, which didn't work out because we stayed up too late. That was clearly my fault. However, I would have been pissed off and the breakfast wouldn't have gone well.

I was empowered enough to call him on his paranoia. Explaining that Donna seems to be at the center of this issue. Her plans have kept him from seeing us, this upsets him so she turns it back on me. Of course! This is how it went down all the time with his ex, Cathy.'s time to push these emotions back into the depths of my brain, at least until I find a therapist.

Monday, May 05, 2008

Angry Drunk Bio Dad

A few hours after posting on the failed weekend with my bio dad, I received this voicemail.

Angry Bio Dad from Joeythegirl on Vimeo.

It freaked me out, for a split second I wondered if he knew about the post, but I know better. It was just a horrible coincidence. Before you go crazy posting comments, offering suggestions that he didn't sound angry, or "he said he loved you" at the end. Jory can confirm, this is my bio dad, drunk and angry. He'll wake up tomorrow and not remember that he was angry. Oh and he's only been to Phoenix twice, both times were because Donna brought him down. HE only spent 15 minutes with me last time, he was too busy helping Donna clean up her grandson's mess...he burned down the condo. Seriously.

Another failed weekend with Bio Dad

A week ago yesterday I got a call from my Bio Dad informing me he'd be coming to Phoenix for a little business and pleasure. He asked me if I wanted to throw a BBQ at my house either Saturday or Sunday and he would come over with his girlfriend Donna, her daughter and her grandsons. Not being able to say no to my dad, I agreed. I tried to get some details out of him for planning purposes. At first he said he had business in Tucson, so I doubled checked and he meant Phoenix. I asked how long he'd be in town and he said several days. We never set an exact date for the BBQ, he just said he would call Friday night when they got into town.

I stressed all week about how to get out of the BBQ. I didn't want him to come over and see that we haven't unpacked and decorated any further then we had when he came down in December (and saw us for 15 minutes). He doesn't understand depression, it's pure laziness to him. I've only seen my dad maybe 15 times in my life so for me, I'm constantly trying to please him, make him proud of me. But I just couldn't get up and clean, pick up, unpack, decorate. I couldn't even find the energy to really stress about it...I mean I was mentally stressed, but not like I normally get when he's coming, all manic and crazy. I was just too tired. There were numerous lies that would get me out of hosting the BBQ. I was more scared he'd just stop by or call and say he was on his would I stop him then?

He told me they were leaving Salt Lake City Thursday and would be staying in Las Vegas that night (Donna has a daughter in Vegas), then they would be arriving sometime Friday. He knew I had to work until 7 PM Friday, but said he's call when they got into town. He didn't call. I woke up around 9 AM Saturday and he'd left a voicemail at 8 AM asking me to call him. When I called him, with a shaky voice he hesitantly told me they were at a graduation and wondered if we wanted to come to the graduation BBQ later on. WTF? I lied and told him I had been called in to work, but for him to call me when they were going to the BBQ and maybe I could get out of work by then. He called an hour later, they were at the BBQ. Still fuming, I told him I had to work until 7 PM. He said they would have some time available in the early morning Sunday, maybe we could do breakfast. Sounded good to me, so I agreed and told him I'd call him when we woke up. Since he said the only "available time" was early Sunday I assumed this meant I had officially escaped the responsibility of having a BBQ and that he would not be making over to our house. Phew!

Still I did manage to clean a bit, Sandy and Cody are coming this weekend and I need to get the house presentable. I'm not too stressed about not being unpacked or decorated. I know they love us regardless of what our house looks like.

Saturday night Keara came over and we had band practice (played Rockband) until 5:30 AM! I had planned on meeting my dad for breakfast, but we didn't realize how late it was until it was too late. I sent him a text message telling him I wouldn't be able to make it to breakfast and I'd call him when I woke up. Later that day when I woke up, I called and he said they were leaving to go home in an hour or so. Why didn't he tell me they were leaving Sunday afternoon from the beginning? I apologized we didn't get to see each other and said we'd give it another go when we come to Utah in June.

I've been aggravated since I realized he came down specifically for her graduation. Why is it that he can take two days off work, travel from Utah to Arizona for his girlfriend's daughter's graduation when he couldn't take an afternoon off work to come to my own graduation in the same fucking state? He has missed every single important event in my life, even my wedding. Why is it that every woman in his life has the ability to talk him into taking time off work to attend events important to them (not necessarily my dad) but me or my brother? He's a stubborn man, work has always been his first priority, I'm not even sure where family fits on his list. There will always be that little girl in me that is forever trying to get him to love me by "doing no wrong". I have never confronted him or explained how hurt I am by his absence from my life because, maybe if I can get him to love me enough, he'll want to be in my life, he'll want to give a damn. In recent years he's done better about calling, at least once or twice a year. He's said that he wants to make up for lost time and get to know us, but there is no follow through.

Intellectually I know that there is nothing I can do to make him want to be an active participant in my life. I understand that by "doing no wrong" in his eyes, is not going to make him love me more. I should be honest with him and tell him how I feel. However I'm not always sure if he's drunk when I call him, sometimes it's obvious, sometimes it's not. There's no sense in trying to have this conversation with a drunk. If I write him a letter, will he read it when he's drunk? When I do see him (maybe once a year), it's for only hours and sometimes minutes at a time, do I want to ruin that visit by having the conversation? There are just too many variables involved.

It's funny, when I was a kid I wrote Oprah a letter requesting to be on her show for children who want to confront their absent parents. Of course I never sent it and wish I had kept it. I remember it taking weeks to finish. I sat on my bed that I had moved in my closet, with the doors closed and rewrote it over and over again until the words were just right. I didn't send it for the same reasons I won't confront him today. I'm scared of rejection. I guess that's why I never sent those fan letters to Drew Barrymore when I was 12. LOL

So I guess that's it, I'm scare of rejection. Simple enough. Right? That doesn't change anything though. It's funny I was watching Prozac Nation (with Christina Ricci) on my lunch and there are two scenes that especially hit home for me. One where she's home for her birthday, her mom throws a party and invited her grandparents, she gets all trashed and ruins everything. The next day she wakes up on the couch, where she passed out and her father calls to wish her a happy birthday. She springs to life, tells him he's late but immediately forgives him with a smile and hangs on every word he says. Her mom walks in the room and interrupts the phone call, she's upset that her daughter is so sweet to her father when he does nothing for her and she who does everything has to put up with her psycho side.
My father never called on my birthday, never sent a card or gift. In fact I don't remember even seeing him between the ages of 6 and 13. When he did finally call, my mood immediately changed to pure joy and happiness and I too hung on every word. All this for a stranger, an absent father I didn't know.

The other scene was when her father popped in unannounced after a 4 year absence (her psychiatrist contacted him and asked him to pay a visit). She's asking him why he's not paying for her medical bills as promised. He says he never sees her, she never calls him. She stops him and reminds him that he's the one who walked away 4 years earlier. He says he knows, it hurts him too. He doesn't know how to fix it.
I immediately yell "Pay the fucking bills" at my portable DVD player as if that's the answer. I know how she feels all too well. He's the adult, he's the father, it's his responsibility to take care of her, keep in contact with her, be there for her, love her unconditionally.

Irony or not, it's pushing me to get serious about therapy. I'm fucked up. I could write a million and one books on my life experiences. Most of which I'll never disclose here, it's way too personal and I'm afraid my mom would find out, it would ruin everything. I always thought if I could survive my childhood, I'd have it made. My dues would be paid in full with your so-called god. Nothing else could possibly go horrifically wrong, but then Jack died. I don't know if these trials and tribulations are a test or a cruel joke. Either way, I'm telling you WORLD, this is me putting it all out there...I can't take anything else. My soul is exhausted.

Thursday, May 01, 2008

Happy Birthday Keara!

Hope you don't mind, I totally stole your photo.

What can I say about my friend Keara? She's the nicest, sweetest, most kind hearted, funny fucker I know. She would give you the world if she could...and she'll find a way! Our lives would be pretty boring without her...there's no Vicious Hippos without our guitarist! Keara brought laughter and happiness back into our sad lives. I could never thank her enough for being there, when everyone else was so far away. She helps me get through the week and sometimes even the day. I would be lost without her, She's the Sunshine to my rain. We Love You Friend!

Happy Birthday!

Donate for My Kindness Project to Honor Jack!