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Friday, May 30, 2008

Tales Of The Crib Part 2

"Boobie Trap"
Same complex (Pinnacle Lakeside) in Murray, UT 1999....Some time around 6:00 AM our friends and neighbors Todd and Darby wake up to guys dressed like the Michelin Man surrounding the building next to theirs. Was this the apocalypse? Turns out one of the residents was a drug dealer and he had boobie trapped his safe with a bomb in case one of his friends or enemies turned on him and tried to steal his drugs or drug money. Apparently the COPS showed up to bust him and found the bomb, so of course the bomb squad showed up in full Michelin Man attire(Puffy white suits). The bomb was removed and no one was harmed.

"Burnin' Down The House"
Within weeks (I think), Todd calls and tells us his building is on fire! We all run over and check out the excitement. The top floor was pretty much gone and it had spread to the second floor on the opposite side of the building from his first floor apartment. We later find out that the third floor neighbor left a candle burning when she went out on an errand. The third floor was gone, the second floor was flooded and the first floor just had smoke damage. Todd and Darby ended up having to move. We later followed them to Shadowbrook in West Valley City. Pinnacle Lakeside ended up tearing down the building and rebuilding a new one.

"Chain Gang"
For several weeks in a row people had been breaking into the community swimming pool behind our building after hours. We caught most of them skinny dipping and doing various naughty things, it was great fun. One night like clock work we heard the usual drunkin' splish splashin' in the pool. Jory and I sneak out our front door and tip-toe over to the empty apartment next to ours and peak through the opening in the stair well to the pool and there were six naked people splashing about. I went back inside to tell Shane that it looked like it was going to be a crazy night and when I opened the door to his bedroom, he was no where to be found. I came back out and told Jory, both puzzled, we wondered where he could be at this hour? Right at that moment from the corner of my eye, I see a guy staring at me from the neighbor's empty apartment and I practically shit my pants! He smiled and opened the window, it was Shane. He had heard the noise before us and when he remembered that apartment was empty he decided he'd get a better look at the naked pool party from their balcony so he tried the front window and it was unlocked. He walked around to the living room and opened the door to let us in. We army crawled out on the balcony and watched this free live porn show AND I must say, it was freakin' crazy! This party was putting all the other skinny dippers to shame. I don't want to get too graphic but I have to tell you a little to explain the story. They were coupled off into three pairs and one from each pair would float on their backs while the other would perform oral sex. You really couldn't see much detail but it was obvious what we were seeing. They would swap partners and commence said naughty acts. One of the long haired girls was floating so well you could see her boobs except they weren't anything to look at. They were tiny, not even mosquito bites. In fact as I scanned the other couples it seemed all the girls were surfboard flat. When I pointed this out to Jory and Shane, we all took a closer look. It hit us at the exact same time, those long haired girls were not girls, they were GUYS! ALL OF THEM WERE GUYS! We had just been watching live gay porn. Embarrassed, Jory and Shane practically flew out of the apartment. In disbelief, I hung back and took a second look, I just couldn't believe that we had been fooled for such a long time. But Indeed they were all guys, and at this point they were forming a chain, kinda like the bunny hop except naked in a pool and I'm sure pork swords were involved. I only wish I had a digital camera back then and could post an embarrassing (for us all) photo for your viewing pleasure.

Stay tuned for Part 3 including "Italian Mafia", our own COPS episode "Suspicious Smell" and a round up of Random Acts of Pinnacle Lakeside Kraziness.

1 comment:

Katie said...

I also lived at Shadowbrook apts. The worst thing that ever happened there was some visitor parking in my spot. Although the group of college kids across the hall did have a few parties, but they never bothered us.

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