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Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Today's Horoscope, WOW!

It may seem as if someone's unwillingness to follow through on a commitment makes your life more difficult. It's hard to trust others now, because you are fairly certain that they'll just let you down. You grow more sullen throughout the day and may even pick a fight with someone you love in an attempt to express your frustration. Instead of taking your fears out on someone else, look within for your answers.

Not that looking within will tell me what our birthmom is going to do, but otherwise this totally hit the spot. And I promise to do my best not to pick fights with my loved ones.

p.s. 23 days, it's really starting to wear on me. She really could go into labor at anytime now and I just wish we knew she was going to pick us, so we could be there when she's born. I guess that's a big part of my insanity, having to accept the fact that even if she chooses us, we probably won't know until she's born, so we'll miss her birth. Miss those first moments. No I'm not saying I was expecting to be in the room or catch her when she comes out, but I wanted to be there, in the hall, outside, where ever, just there, close to her. It's not easy to Mentally assume she's changed her mind. I can't get it out of my head, I still think, still believe that she'll do the right thing for her baby. I still believe Willow will come home, but it's painful to believe that and try to prepare for the opposite. This Limbo is driving me crazy. It's impossible to get anything done, I fill like I'm juggling in the Willy Wonka room with the fizzy drink shit, the one where they burped and floated up to the roof. I fill like all the things I'm juggling are floating right now and they will all come falling down on me the moment we get the phone call. Everyone will see that I wasn't handling it, couldn't get it done, it will be my fault for not doing this or not doing that. Missing one little detail and it all crashes down. What then? I feel like a record. My brain won't stop spinning and I keep repeating myself.

1 comment:

tom said...

since you won't, i will.

Joey! after school! flagpole! by there or be square, Flippy Mcgee!

but in all seriousness, i can only imagine the stress and uncertainty you are feeling. I have my fingers and toes crossed for y'all.

now move back to Zion so we can hang!

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