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Tuesday, May 26, 2009

I'm OK.

So I guess I should update you all on me. I'm OK. Coming home and putting the baby stuff away in the nursery was not as hard as I thought it would be. No breakdowns or bawling. It wasn't meant to be this time I guess. I know we're not alone in our frustration...why is this happening to us? Why is it so hard for us to bring home a baby? Why is it so easy for people who don't even want kids to have them, but for us, it's seemingly impossible. But I'm OK. As ok as one can be in our situation.

I believe we will find our Willow and bring her home one day, or a son who will end up wearing a lot of pink ;) Regardless, it doesn't feel exactly the same as losing Jack, it did at first but now that some time has passed, it feels more like we're still waiting for our Willow.

I'm sure it's silly but it's confusing and uncomfortable for me to write Thank You notes for the baby gifts. I had planned on taking pictures of Willow in the outfit or blanket or bath that was bought for us and sending those in the Thank You cards, but now I don't know what to do in this situation. Do I suck it up and write them or wait until we finally get to bring a daughter home or do people expect to have the gifts returned? Where's the rule book on this? I'm sure people haven't thought about it and maybe I'm over thinking it, but it's been really bothering me at night.

Thanks for every one's continued love and support! I appreciate everyone who has reached out to us. I know we're not alone on this roller coaster, we have a great group of friends and family and I will try harder to remember that on my dark days. I love you all.

To Jory, my love, best friend and rock...I wouldn't be here without you. I'm sorry for all the loss and pain it's caused. I appreciate you more then you will ever know. You are my heart and soul, without you I can't breath. I love you Forever.

10 comments:

cynthiainillinois said...

You are right about how unfair it is that some people can have kids when they don't even want them. You two have really been through a lot; more than most couples that I have known with fertility problems. I was blessed to be able to raise four children. I never really thought about the surrogate thing, but I swear, if I was able to do it, you guys would be the ones I would do it for. You are lucky to have a strong enough marriage to survive what you have gone through together. It can make you or break you; you two seem to be very solid despite (or perhaps because of) what you have been through.

Emily said...

I'm glad you're hanging in there and you've got the right perspective. I think you can hold off on the thank you cards or never send them at all. Whatever you feel like. I can't imagine that bothering anyone!
BTW - I love the idea of taking a picture of the gift in use! So thoughtful!
Hang in there!

Joey said...

Thank you Cynthia and Emily for your thoughts and advice.

I guess I've never posted it before but we do have a few people who have offered to be a surrogate, the problem is the cost, not to pay the surrogate but for the IVF, starts at $20,000 these days. Once we have that kind of cash we will totally do it, just waiting for the lottery win I guess.

People have suggested fundraisers but isn't that weird? I don't know, I'm going to start putting some of my crochet animals on etsy to see if I can make any money that way, but that could take a decade to make $20 grand!

dk said...

hey! I was one of the ones who suggested a fund raiser! I did't find it weird!!!! I don't see different than raising money for any other worthy cause.

Anonymous said...

You need to write the thank you cards. It's what's polite. The fact that someone went out of their way, spent their money, used their time and efforts to give you a gift is what you're thanking them for. You don't need to mention in them that you didn't take the baby home. Just thank the people who gave you gifts for their thoughts, their love, their energy.

Raven said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lucky Pebble said...

Sorry about the deleted comment! I was signed in as my daughter so I thought I would try again.

I just wanted to say that I think you two are amazing. I fell in love with your wedding photos. Anyone who reads your blog can see you are such a loving, solid (and fun) couple. :)

I truly hope things work out for you two.

I found your blog during some mild insomnia and felt compelled to comment.

Hope this is not to strange for you.

Best regards,

Denise

Joey said...

Denise, No thanks for stopping by, I hope you'll come again. It's nice to hear from strangers. It's nice to know something about me or my life has touched, inspired or helped someone else. Makes sharing my life with the world all the more fun.

Joey said...

Correction...when I said "No Thanks for stopping by"...I hope you saw the invisible coma after No, or perhaps a few invisible periods ala "No...Thanks for stopping by". That's what I get for commenting in a hurry.

Lucky Pebble said...

LOL! It's cool. I got it. Punctuation always get's me when I'm multitasking.

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