Flickr

www.flickr.com
Joeythegirl's items Go to Joeythegirl's photostream

Pages

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

I'm sorry

I don't even know what to say. We knew this could happen, but I believed so much that it wouldn't. Even after having spent time with the baby, she kept saying she was going through with the adoption. But at the last moment, she said no. She would regret not trying. She wouldn't even tell us in person.

There are no words to explain how I feel. Embarrassed that I believed her. Embarrassed that everyone spent time and money on this dream. Painfully selfish because I've caused Jory so much pain because this was my dream. Heart broken and empty. I'll never be able to apologize enough to Jory for putting him through this. Losing Jack is more the enough pain for a lifetime and I've managed to cause more.

We're heading home this week, could be tomorrow, could be Friday, I don't know. But I need to concentrate my time on finding a new job since I gave that up too.

8 comments:

Regina said...

We are so sorry. I know there are no words that can comfort you right now, but please know that your friends love you and support you. Let us know if there's anything we can do for you guys...anything at all.

Love,
Regina

MisterJ said...

I don't know what to say. I just wish that there was something I could do. Please let me know if there is.

Jory Dan Johnson said...

I just wish I had stuck to my gut with my first impression back in January. I think I said, "NO, kind of WT don't ya think?" in my text message reply. At this point I would much rather be the asshole that said no than the asshole that caved in. I am sorry.

Michelle said...

I think that Regina said everything that I am thinking and feeling.

We love you and are so sorry that you have had to endure all of this. We are here for you.

Love,
3M

Anonymous said...

Jory you are a good man to support your wife the way you have. I wish you both peace.

Domster said...

I'm so so sorry you guys. I wish for nothing but happiness for you two, you are amazing people and this breaks my heart to hear about.

Deb said...

I too am sorry for you both. Dont beat yourselves up. If you wouldn't have at least tried, that would have bothered you more, the what if's.
Don't quit, Never give up, There must be something truely awesome coming your way....I believe!!

Eric, Matrim, and Aviendha said...

OMG, I am so sorry things went as they did! I was so hoping to hear from Jory or to get caught up here on the great news of the little girl who was going to be lucky enough to replace the home life and parent(s) of what quality she was born to, with the opportunity to be raised by totally awesome parents who would have loved her dearly!!

So I usually say to myself and others (and have myself been more and more a believer) that everything tends to happen for a reason. So even the worst things are part of the fates and should be seen as such and there should be silver linings to the darkest clouds. And what is the saying...? Crisis is the Chinese word for opportunity. But I gotta say, What and Where the FUCK is it going to be the case for you guys?!?! Unless you two are secret Hitlers or get off on raping defenseless critters or some other monstrous thing that you have managed to keep hidden, I can't figure out this luck getting kids! Maybe there is someone (or more than one) VERY, VERY special kid(s) whose life will cross paths with yours at the right time to get to be yours. And maybe it was the wait and the seeming bad luck will put you on a collision course to meet at the perfect time for the child which turns out to be just the little spirit you were looking to add to your home. And turns out with you being the perfect parents to love and support and unlock the talents of your new addition(s) and you all live happily and successfully grow and grow old together, living long and prospering!!! That better be it, and it better get going soon. You two have earned it!

I love ya both, and I hope for the best for you and us Mannimals are sending you as good of energy as we can. Take care of each other! Keep us posted and hopefully we can all get together and celebrate some good luck one of these days soon!

Donate for My Kindness Project to Honor Jack!